Magnificent

The last few days, I posted my thoughts from 2 Corinthians 6-9 that I had written out for our church's blog. This is from Friday's reading on chapter ten.

"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:5).

I really wish that this chapter could continue on in the same vein as the last few. I absolutely loved where we were headed and how encouraged I felt every time I dove into the Word. But for some reason, Paul stops here to defend his authority and his ministry. "I beg you that when I come I may not have to be as bold as I expect to be toward some people who think that we live by the standards of this world" (verse 2). Later, in verse 12, he bitingly declares, "Oh, don’t worry; we wouldn't dare say that we are as wonderful as these other men who tell you how important they are! But they are only comparing themselves with each other, using themselves as the standard of measurement. How ignorant!"

Apparently, the Corinthians were judging so-called important Christians based on appearances (verse 7). Many seemed to think that Paul was timid and unimpressive in person, which did not match up with his bold and forceful letters. But Paul assures them that they are not double-minded men, and their lives match up with their words. He reminds them that "the weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds" (verse 4). Essentially, while some of these Christians they were pointing to might have more impressive looking resumes, Paul and his co-workers in the ministry were living in such a way that confounded them. Jesus did the very same thing.

There were many instances when Jesus healed someone, then immediately commanded the person not to tell anyone--a command they often ignored. He also delayed in healing others to perform seemingly unimportant tasks, only to raise these people from the dead. While he delayed, those around him must have been offended; yet, Jesus knew that the urgency was not in the sickness of the body but in the sickness of the soul. Both He and Paul realized that following God's will to the praise of His glory that some might be healed of their burden of sin overshadowed any other "good" thing to be done.

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Once again, Paul says, "But, 'Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.' For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends" (verses 17-18). Paul wants to accomplish the work set out to be done among the Corinthians and to watch their faith grow. But he will not stoop to puffing up his reputation, when he knows that it speaks for itself; or, rather, what he has seen the Lord do speaks to His working. As he said to them before in 1 Corinthians 3:5-7, "Who then is Paul, and who is Apollos, but ministers through whom you believed, as the Lord gave to each one? I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the increase. So then neither he who plants is anything, nor he who waters, but God who gives the increase."

Last Christmas Without You

The last few days, I posted my thoughts from 2 Corinthians 6-8 that I had written out for our church's blog. This is from Thursday's reading on chapter nine.

"For God is the one who provides seed for the farmer and then bread to eat. In the same way, he will provide and increase your resources and then produce a great harvest of generosity in you" (2 Corinthians 9:8, NLT).

This year, we watched as soil was tilled, seeds were planted, and farmers waited for seedlings to peek their tender heads out of the ground. We prayed for rain as corn and other plants struggled to grow without the precious water that they needed. We observed the heavy heads that took in a harvest much too small compared to what had been hoped for. And now the ground is frozen over, and the earth waits for another season of growth to come again.

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Hope is a funny thing at Christmas time. Almost everyone wants a little taste of it. People want to capture the magic of a feeling that transcends the drudgery of the everyday. But the feelings that they muster up for a time usually fade away as crisp, white snow turns to slush, Christmas cookies are eaten, and family and friends go home, leaving a bleak reality behind. In chapter 9, Paul continues his encouragement for the Corinthians to give liberally to the hurting church in Jerusalem in what is perhaps one of the best passages on giving:

Remember this:  Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.

Thank you, Paul, for taking the pressure off! No longer do I have to worry about performing and pleasing everyone. No longer do I have to feel like I give and give of myself with nothing leftover to fill my heart. Now, I see that God has designed me in such a way that does not always make sense to my world-bent mind. I am made full when I am emptied out. Do we really understand this radical concept? Just like the widow's jars of oil, I can not experience God's fullness in my life until I am ready to pour out everything I have and everything that I am. In chapter six, Paul was able to boast about pouring his life out for the believers because he witnessed God bringing the increase. He experienced God's strength in helping him to keep going, time and time again, after being so close to starvation, death, and utter destruction.

Why does God call us to this life of sacrificial giving? Why can't we stay in our comfortable, heated homes and watch what is happening to others on the evening news? Why, oh, why do we have to get involved in others' lives when we ourselves might lose everything? "This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of the Lord’s people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God. Because of the service by which you have proved yourselves, others will praise God for the obedience that accompanies your confession of the gospel of Christ, and for your generosity in sharing with them and with everyone else" (verses 12-13).

Because, ultimately, it is about the glory of God.

This season, we can find hope in the truth that there is an everlasting Father who sent His Son as a gift that can never be earned or repaid. We can find salvation by trusting in the life that was poured out 2,000 years ago on a cross. We can find joy in a resurrected Savior who is coming again to gather those to Himself that have accepted His mercy. And we can share with others the unshakable faith that we have in a God who supplies all that we need, both physically and spiritually. This Christmas, we can give our lives in such a way as to make people say, "Thank God for this gift too wonderful for words!"

Kindness

The last two days, I posted my thoughts from 2 Corinthians 6 and 7 that I had written out for our church's blog. This is from Wednesday's reading on chapter eight.

"For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sake he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich" (2 Corinthians 8:9).

In the previous chapter, we witnessed Paul guiding the Corinthian church to restored unity and fellowship with each other and with himself as they overcame issues which had earned them his rebuke. Here we see him reminding his dear brothers and sisters that they need to take their eyes off of their own problems and look to the churches around them. We who are so blessed to have meeting places with heating and cooling, sound systems and projectors, and bathrooms and kitchens cannot imagine what these house churches experienced as many suffered persecution at the hands of neighbors, friends, and even family. Paul sets up the church in Macedonia as an example for Corinth; instead of handing down a commandment, "Give to the church in Jerusalem! After all, you have an obligation...," he shows them model believers in the situation he wants to encourage them in.

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Second Corinthians 8:2-4 states, "In the midst of a very severe trial, their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty welled up in rich generosity. For I testify that they gave as much as they were able, and even beyond their ability. Entirely on their own, they urgently pleaded with us for the privilege of sharing in this service to the Lord's people." Paul does not want nor should he need to rebuke the Corinthians for not giving once more for this group of believers in serious need. They already excelled in faith, speech, knowledge, enthusiasm, and love; this gracious act of giving should only be the natural outflow of that lifestyle (verse 7).

Oh, and just in case the Corinthians were not convicted yet, Paul reminds them of one spotless example of sacrificial giving:  "For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sake he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich" (verse 9). Yes, it was that same Jesus who said, "Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God" (Luke 6:20). I think that Paul would echo here his sentiment to the Colossian church, "My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge" (Colossians 2:2-3). As we pursue this kind of single-minded love, we find that our riches are not found in things but in Christ and in the family of God—and just as we give to those who are in need, eventually the plenty of others will overflow to cover our own needs.

Paul closes out this chapter by commending Titus and his companions, reminding the church that they have worked hard to guard against any criticism for the way they handled Jerusalem's gift. The point here is not to become distracted by the gift itself, but to see past it to the life Jesus is calling them to.

Take Heart

Yesterday, I posted my thoughts from 2 Corinthians 6 that I had written out for our church's blog. This is from Tuesday's reading on chapter seven.

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"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world" (John 16:33).

Here we get to witness a shepherd and his flock coming through the other side of what seems to have been an intense conflict. Paul asks the people of Corinth to open their hearts to him and to remember that he has never taken advantage of them. He even goes so far as to say that they have such a place in the hearts of him and those with him that they would live or die with them.

What are all of these words leading up to? "I have spoken to you with great frankness; I take great pride in you. I am greatly encouraged; in all our troubles my joy knows no bounds" (2 Corinthians 7:4). It appears that while going through some very significant difficulties in Macedonia, Paul received good news from Titus, who had just returned from Corinth. As a shepherd does, he had corrected his flock with the authority given to him, and there was, of course, some discord for a time as they struggled under that discipline. Yet, "even if I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it. Though I did regret it--I see that my letter hurt you, but only for a little while--yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance" (verses 8 and 9).

Oh, what good news for Paul! His spiritual children had received their discipline as if from a father, and observed Paul's love for them through it all. Their concern for Paul was renewed (verse 7), increasing his joy. They had cleared their consciences and witnessed what unity should look like. And they experienced God's purpose in the trials and conflicts He allows into our lives, "Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death" (verse 10).

Christians can take heart in the fact that God does not waste any of the brokenhearted moments of our lives, but He uses them to make us more like His Son. But what a waste to experience sorrow as a result of our sin! Can you imagine how different Paul's letter would have been if Titus' report had been filled with descriptions of a broken church, full of indignant, bitter men and women who had written off their leader for daring to point a finger at them? The loss that they would have experienced would have been far greater than the brief moments of grief they experienced as they wrestled with the chastisement laid upon them. And, oh, the gain! Every struggle with sin in which we submit to the victory already won for us through Christ grants us a greater sense of the grace of God and encourages the Body as we have renewed unity, having nothing to separate us from our Father or the family of God. Take heart! He has overcome.

You Can Have Me

Our church has been reading a chapter in the New Testament every weekday, with someone from our church submitting a devotional on the church blog. This week has been my week, and even though this first one was posted Monday, I thought I would start sharing these thoughts with all of you, as well. If you would like to read more, you can find them here. Monday, I blogged on Second Corinthians chapter six.

"...I tell you, now is the time of God’s favor, now is the day of salvation" (2 Corinthians 6:2b).

Paul entreats us not to "accept this marvelous gift of God's kindness and then ignore it" (verse 1, NLT). This Christmas, more than ever before, I have felt an urgency--almost like a heaviness in my chest--for making the most of this time of year by sharing the hope of the Good News of Jesus Christ. What have I accomplished this year if I make a show of making my home all cozy with decorations, surrounding my tree with gifts, and, oh, yes, worshiping a tiny baby in a manger, too? "Hey, facebook friends, don't forget that I'm a Christian and I'm putting Christ back in Christmas." But am I really?

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Paul ensures the Corinthians that he and the other believers partnering with him in God's work have laid down their lives for the sake of the ministry:

• enduring troubles, hardships, and distresses

• beatings, imprisonments, and riots

• hard work, sleepless nights, and hunger

• purity, understanding, and kindness

• in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love

• in truthful speech and in the power of God

• with weapons of righteousness

• through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report

• genuine, yet regarded as impostors

• known, yet regarded as unknown

• dying, and yet living on

• beaten, and yet not killed

• sorrowful, yet always rejoicing

• poor, yet making many rich

• having nothing, and yet possessing everything.

These men weren't boasting.

This is what their lives were all about. "To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some" (1 Corinthians 9:22). In Philippians 2, he instructs them to rejoice as he rejoices over his own life being poured out. Why? Because his boasting is not in himself but in laboring for the sake of the Gospel and for the sake of the Church. Paul understood that the Corinthians and the Philippians, the Jews and the Gentiles, needed to see his genuine love for them; thus, he and his comrades did not withhold their affection from them.

Who are you pouring out your life for in genuine love through the Holy Spirit?

From here, this chapter shifts gears, as Paul warns the Corinthians against idolatry, commanding them not to "be unequally yoked with unbelievers" (verse 14). The Reformation Study Bible summarizes it this way:

The prohibition against being yoked together with unbelievers must be considered in situations where significant control over one’s actions would be willingly yielded to an unbeliever through a voluntary partnership or association. Neither Paul nor the rest of the New Testament tells us to have no association at all with unbelievers (Mark 2:15–17; 1 Corinthians 5:9-10). But we are told not to be “yoked together” with them in such a way that they significantly influence the direction and outcome of our moral decisions and spiritual activities.

Tying this back to the first part of the chapter, it seems as though God is calling us out as His own people, special and set apart. We are to surround ourselves with others who are walking in the light of God's grace. We would do well to remember that we are sons and daughters of the Almighty God (verse 18). Then, learning from and being encouraged by these other believers, we do not hoard the grace and mercy of Christ--we do not hide our light under a basket--but we proclaim that today is the day of salvation. We proclaim it with our very lives.

Privileged

Here I am posting. One month later. {Sigh}

I have so many post ideas in my head, but I am very jealous of my free time! However, I am not ready to give up and flip the switch on this blog.

One of the ideas that keeps resurfacing is this epiphany I had recently. Does that ever happen to you? You suddenly have this realization where your eyes are opened to something new--something that most people would probably say, "Well, of course," to. For me, it is the reality of what a privilege and an honor it is to be Kieran's mom.

For all of you yet-to-be mothers who someday want to become a mom but are okay with that day being a (long) while from now, you might be intimidated by the idea of motherhood. Who wouldn't be? You hear so many stories of long nights, explosive diapers, "witching hours" with endless crying, and being tired, tired, tired. While that is surely truer for some than others, these stories really emphasize the servanthood of motherhood.

Well, actually, they often make motherhood sound a lot like slavery. And there are times, in any role in life, when that is very much how we can feel. But the truer, ongoing story is that it is an amazing privilege to be a mom. Whether you are a biological, adopted, or spiritual mom, you will eventually realize that you have been given an amazing gift in this new status in life. You have been given the opportunity to watch a life grow--not only to watch it grow, but to affect its growth by molding and shaping it, guiding the direction in which it sprouts, leading it toward the sunlight (and, hopefully, the Son's light). There is this amazing person in the making, and rather than being a chore or a burden, it is an honor to raise this person. And, if you do it well, your children will "rise up and call you blessed."

I used to wonder why anyone would want to make their life all about someone else. Why would you want to dedicate all of that time, just to have them leave and then you don't know who you are anymore? But I think that giving  your life for others--whether it's your children, your spouse, or your friends--leads to a fullness of life that cannot be obtained by living for yourself. When you make your life about service, you learn to be spent. As I heard at a baby shower recently, we need to learn to give ourselves over to our families without abandon, not holding anything back. Instead of reserving that little bit of energy or time that we think we will need for ourselves, we pour out our lives (Philippians 2:17) for them and expect God to fill us again to overflowing. Because the strength cannot come from ourselves, but from the ultimate Father who knows how to do good for His children.

And so, I also let go of any ideas of who I want Kieran to be. Of course, I want him to be a little Jordan and follow in his papa's footsteps. But no matter what livelihood he chooses or what kind of personality he develops, my greatest desires are for him to learn to love and serve his Savior and become a man of integrity. Beyond, that I can ask for nothing more except the grace to lead him toward that end.

This is a photo of baby Jordan on the left and baby Kieran on the right.

Punkins

We had the opportunity to visit Jordan's sister, Sheila, and her family in Michigan this past weekend. We really enjoyed the time with family and the time away from home. I just love being an aunt, and I wish that I could have known my nieces and nephew when they were Kieran's age! Jordan's family has been a huge encouragement to me since I was "grafted in", and I am truly blessed to have such amazing in-laws.

The trip included a lot of firsts for Kieran:

• his first night away from home since he came home from the hospital,
• his first road trip (as well as our first extended car ride with a baby),
• his first visit to an orchard,
• and his first pumpkin!

And what a little punkin' he was!

We had the chance to pick out our own pumpkins and we saw fresh apple cider made from an antique cider press. We drank fresh apple cider and had homemade doughnuts--apple cinnamon and pumpkin spice--yum! It certainly was brisk outside, but it felt amazing to do something so autumnal. :)

We also stopped and visited our good friends, Scott and Janelle. Kieran definitely had fun playing with their son.

I strongly believe that it is important to make the effort to visit friends and family at their home. If you always expect someone to come to you, then they are experiencing your life, meeting your friends, and connecting with your world. At home, we are in our element and most comfortable to be ourselves--to share our lives. It is well worth the effort!

Running Away

I have read this story to Kieran a couple of times, and each time I can hardly get through it, I get so choked up. It might be the children's perspective that does me in. Or, it might be the fact that I now have a son, and I can empathize. But truly, I believe that hearing truth in a fresh, new way can reawaken your heart:

The story of the lost son, from Luke 15, as told in The Jesus Storybook Bible by Sally Lloyd-Jones

Jesus told this story about a boy who ran away:

Once upon a time, there was a boy and his dad. Now, one day, the boy gets to thinking, Maybe if I didn't have my dad around telling me what is good for me all the time, I'd be happier. He's spoiling my fun, he thinks. Does my dad really want me to be happy? Does my dad really love me? The son never thought of this before. But suddenly he doesn't know anymore.

So the son goes to his father and says, "Dad, I'm better off without you. I can look after myself. Just give me my share of your money."

His father is sad but he won't force his boy to stay. So he gives his son what he wants.

The son takes the money and goes on a long, long journey to a far off country.

And everything's wonderful and perfect--for awhile. He can go wherever he wants, do whatever he wants, be whoever he wants. He is the boss; he is free!

Sometimes he gets a strange, hungry, homesick feeling inside his heart, but then he just eats more, or drinks more, or buys more clothes, or goes to more parties until it goes away.

But soon his money runs out--and so do his friends. He ends up getting the only job he can find:  feeding pigs. One day, he is so hungry and so desperate he even tries some piggy food--"What am I doing?" he says suddenly, as if he has woken from a nightmare. He spits--YUCK!--all of it--ICK!--out of his mouth. "My father is rich, and here I am--in a pig sty, eating piggy food!"

He wipes his mouth and dusts himself off. "I'm going home!"

As he starts for home though, he begins to worry. Dad won't love me anymore. I've been too bad. he won't want me for his son anymore. So he practices his I'm-Sorry-Speech.

All this time, what he doesn't know is that, day after day, his dad has been standing on his porch, straining his eyes, looking into the distance, waiting for his son to come home. He just can't stop loving him. He longs for the sound of his boy's voice. He can't be happy until he gets him back.

The son is still a long way off, but his dad sees him coming.

What will the dad do? Fold his arms and frown? Shout, "That'll teach you!" And, "Just you wait, young man!"

No. That's not how this story goes.

The dad leaps off the porch, races down the hill, through the gap in the hedge, up the road. Before his son can even begin his I'm-Sorry-Speech, his dad runs to him, throws his arms around him, and can't stop kissing him.

"Let's have a party!" his dad shouts. "My boy's home. He ran away. I lost him--but now I have him back!"

Jesus told them, "God is like the dad who couldn't stop loving his boy. And people are like the son who said, 'Does my dad really want me to be happy?'"

Jesus told people this story to show them what God is like. And to show people what they are like. So they could know, however far they ran, however well they hid, however lost they were--it wouldn't matter. Because God's children could never run too far, or be too lost, for God to find them.

They Keep Growing and Growing and Growing

Seriously. He's like the Energizer bunny if that rabbit were in the business of growing, rather than "going." Here is some photo documentation of this fact.

I know, I know...it's been quite awhile since I have blogged. It's not like I don't have post ideas whirling around in my head. It's just finding the time and not being intimidated by the fact that I might not get to put as much into it as I usually would.

God is so good.

It has been a stretching experience for me to wait on the Lord as I work full time and try to be the best mommy and wife I can be--not to mention, daughter of God. Balance is always so hard, no matter what stage of life we are in. There are always new areas of selfishness to battle. I still struggle with leaving my baby behind so often, but I am grateful he gets to spend so much time with family and for how God is drawing me nearer to Him. I could write a dozen posts just about all the lessons I am learning: about God as a perfect Father, about prayer, about trust, about love and sacrifice, about giving everything my all--and getting up again when I fall.

I love my family so much! I can't imagine what our life would be like without our little man. No matter how long we get to have Kieran in our lives, he has changed us for the better. The husband I know now is not the same husband I knew six months ago. The woman I am now is not the same, either. So, I guess you could say that we also continue to grow and grow.

On a lighter note, the little man is rolling all over the place. He has the strength to be on his tummy a lot and do some "baby push-ups," but he's not ready to crawl, yet. I am amazed by how fast he can get from one point to the other just by rolling; although, it's usually in an arc pattern. He is still nursing, and we have decided to put off introducing cereal to him for a few more weeks. And, while he chews on absolutely everything in sight, there are still no tooth appearances! We have so much fun playing with and talking to Kieran, making him laugh, reading books to him, playing little hand games and hide-and-seek and peek-a-boo...watching him learn so much every week.

I try to count my blessings everyday. Like this one, for instance, when I nursed Kieran then gave him to Jordan to cuddle up with while I showered. I came out of the bathroom to find this adorable sight and stealthily snapped a picture of what I consider to be two of my greatest blessings.

A Letter to Myself: "On Your Wedding Day"

I have seen these "letters to myself" floating around recently and I thought I might try my hand at it. You have to know that I used to write letters to God and apology letters to my parents, so writing one to myself is not so far-fetched. :)

Dear Almost-Married Self,

I can see you there, you know, sitting on the steps leading up to the stage in the church auditorium. You are the first one in the building, soaking in the silence and the awe of God's presence on this day—a day that is seemingly unimportant in the grand scheme of things, yet, a day that is so sacred because of the huge step of obedience and faith that is about to be taken. I hear your prayers and praises whispered up to the One you trust to hold your marriage together and mold you into the wife you want to be. And you are amazed by how peaceful you feel on this day—that God has allowed you to let go of everything and just experience the day He has given you.

But, here's the thing:  even if you have the perfect day (and it will be almost perfect), you are not perfect. Your husband-to-be is not perfect. What has come before and what is still to come is not and will not be perfect.

So keep letting go.

Let go of any ambitions you have of being the perfect wife:  always looking spectacular, always cooking up amazing dishes, always keeping your home spotless, always remembering everyone's birthdays, always having the right words to say (and knowing when to not say others), and always being a woman who makes her husband look good.

That kind of perfection is an idol. The only kind of perfection we should strive for is God's holiness, and even then Proverbs tells us to be excellent wives—not perfect—because only the blood of Christ can cover those ugly parts of our hearts that still remain. I know you have heard this before, but from the day the serpent deceived Eve in the garden, our hearts have been prone to such deception, and the greatest lies you will believe will come from yourself. Whether you think that you are not good enough for your husband or you think that you are a terrible wife at times, there is something that you have to know.

This marriage—this new creation—is not about you. Really, it is not even about your husband. It is about Christ. It has to be. If Paul said that it is better to be single, then the only lasting reason to marry (besides having children) is that you as a couple will better glorify Him than you would apart. In addition, all of your motivations have to come from Christ. 

Do you love Jordan because he is lovable? Because there are days that he will not be. You should love him because you find him lovely but also because God commanded you to have a loyal, steadfast love for your husband. Do you honor your husband because he is honorable? There are times that he will not be. You must honor him because you want to honor Christ. Remember Ephesians 5:22? "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord." When you disrespect your husband, you disrespect the cross (how is that for perspective?). And then, when children come, you will be an ambassador to them. You represent Christ in their lives; when you tear down your husband, you can only imagine what that will do to their view of God. Besides, that is a terrible burden to place on this man who is pledging his life to you. He should never have to earn your love or respect; they should be given freely and without abandon.

I know that it is scary to think on how you will fail this man you are about to walk down the aisle to—to know that you will, in fact, fail each other on many occasions, and there is nothing that you can do about it. But please do not forget the beauty of this. As individuals and as two people made one, your weaknesses, your insufficiencies, and even your sin can be used for the glory of God. It is not those couples who hide all of their mistakes under a mask of self-righteousness that demonstrate Christ to the lost. It is those who humbly admit wrongs done and rejoice in the grace offered to them by their heavenly Father and by their husband or wife.

Be transparent. 

Be transparent with those around you. Obviously, your speech should be gracious, especially when it concerns your husband. But be open about how you have failed and how God is using that to mold you. Be transparent with your husband. You can talk and talk at him and never really share your heart with him. How can he love you as Christ loves the church if you do not take the time to really examine your heart and share your deepest desires with him? Learn each other's hearts, and find the path to unity that God has for you. Be transparent with God. Try not to run to your husband every time something is wrong, but run to God first. Share all the empty and ugly places of your heart with God (He already knows them anyway), and ask Him to fill them and replace them with His goodness. Hiding your sin will never make you a good wife.

Remember the bigger picture. 

A day, a week, a year...they will all be just one small part of the whole of your marriage. Even if you are not granted many years together, they are still a small part of eternity. Remember that His mercies are new every morning. So get up and try again the next day. Remember also that there are seasons in our lives; you will have dry times and times where it seems as though the blessings are overflowing. It all will pass, and you must stay grounded in the truth. Which leads me to plead with you:  study the Word. Do not let your Bible get dusty when life is busy. Do not speed through a chapter when you are tired and your pillow is calling. Do not miss those opportunities to soak in God's words to you! He has given you everything that you need for life and godliness—why would you ever ignore that?

For me, five years have passed since this day you are embarking upon. I will bet that you think I am well-seasoned by now, and I have it all mastered. Hardly! I can see that the adventure has just begun (hint: your first baby will be born exactly one week after your fifth anniversary!), and I have the best travel guides—a God who takes my hand and leads me step-by-step and a husband who holds me together when I fall apart.

There is so much more that I wish I could tell you. But, as I have now realized, only so much learning can come from books and the advice of others. You just have to hold your breath, jump in feet first, and trust that as you obey God, He will bring the increase in ways you could never imagine.

Happy wedding!

Conversations

Papa and Kieran like to have "man-to-man" talks.

Kieran gets excited when he gets to see Mama. And, let's face it, Mama turns into a total cheeseball. :D

Life As We Now Know It--Part Two

I am constantly reminded to be grateful.

I know that I don't deserve any of the gifts that I have been given.

It is such a temptation to hold on to those gifts tightly, fingers grasping at things I want to control. But God teaches us joy through letting go and trusting Him to hold us. Oh, how grateful I am for the everlasting arms that forever encircle me, carrying me through all my questions and all my failures, leading me to the greater good He has for me. I know the One who holds my heart and all that it contains--all those who fill it. "From His throne He observes all who live on the earth. He made their hearts, so He understands everything they do," Psalm 33:14-15.

Is that not one of the most amazing things that you have ever heard?! God formed my heart; therefore, He knows its longings--the good and the bad. Here is what has been on my heart this week:

Dear Angel,

This week would have been your six-month birthday. You might have been rolling over by now--such a big boy! I am sure that you would have been the center of attention at all gatherings. Your personality would be asserting itself in little ways, and we would be falling over ourselves just to get you to grin at us!

Now your brother is three-and-a-half months old. He loves life so much, as it takes very little to make him laugh or smile. He does this cute little quarter-roll, where he ends up awkwardly almost on his side. :) He sleeps through the night so well, and last night he even (accidentally) slept from 8:30 p.m. to 7:30 a.m. Kieran does tend to get cranky at nap time when other people are around because he does not want to miss a second of what's going on! Still, he is a very easygoing baby, and we do not in any way take that for granted. It seems as though he is cutting his first tooth, although we have no idea how long this will take. We love chewing on cold washcloths, though!

Angel baby, do you know that I think of you often? As I hold the precious baby I do have in my arms, I wonder how I will tell him about you. I wonder how I will tell him about Jesus, so that he can accept what He has done for him, and, among other things, he can meet you someday. I hope and pray that God will continue to use your little life to teach me and help me grow in grace. You are my inspiration. You never let me forget just how precious life is and the startling truth that I have no time to waste.

Asher Matthias, I hope you know just how much Mommy and Daddy love you! I pray that as time goes on, we can demonstrate that love to you by the kind of family that we grow and nurture. I have such a tiny grasp on what heaven will be like, but I do hope that we will one day have a reunion that will make me feel the completeness of our family. Maybe someday you can give me the grand tour...that does indeed bring a smile to this girl's face.

Praising God for you always,
Your loving mama

I always knew that a husband and wife are a family, but even within that coupling, there is so much room for autonomy. In this way, a baby truly does change everything. Kieran is not the center of our lives, but...I hardly know how to describe it. Not only is he a part of us, but he brings us together in a way nothing else could. He is our little motivator. :) I know that I have said this before, but I absolutely love God's plan for families. It will be difficult and stretching, but there is no better picture of the Gospel than the grace you see in marriages and families rooted and grounded in the love of Christ.

Life As We Now Know It--Part One

I once heard someone say, "With babies, the days go by slowly, but the weeks fly by." How true this is. My baby is 15 weeks old today. What is this life that I am living? How different it is than it was one year ago.

I have been back to work for five weeks now.

The. Hardest. Thing. I. Have. Ever. Done.

Going through labor and recovering from surgery were not this hard. Learning to nurse a newborn and teaching him to eat well were not this hard. Running on little to no sleep--not this hard.

When I was 18, I remember thinking how great it would be, five years in the future, when I had everything figured out and my life was on the right track. Now, here I am, 10 years later, and I am still wondering. Oh, I know now more than ever that God has a plan and a purpose for me. The decisions just become more complicated as you weave more people into your life. First, I had my one-and-only to consider. Now, I have  this little gift that relies on me for so much.

Let's just be honest. I do not want to be in the workplace. I want to spend everyday with this little man who changes everyday. But I recognize that this is not what God wants for me--not just yet. Yes, He says that He will grant us the desires of our hearts. But not in our timing. This is not one of those desires that I believe He will change, making my heart desire what His heart does. I believe His heart does want me to at least be at home more than I am right now. But it is one that I believe He is telling me to wait on Him for.

What do I do while I'm waiting? I beg God, I plead with Him, to help me to desire Him more. I examine my love for my newly-changed family, and I ask Him to show me how I can love Him so deeply, so intensely, that my love for them looks like hatred in comparison. I give thanks, each and every day...continually. I recognize that He has given me more than I could ever deserve in His own perfect way. I trust that He is a Father who gives good gifts and does not withhold good from me. I remember that He "causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them. For God knew His people in advance, and He chose them to become like his Son..." (Romans 8:28-29).

I look at this face, and I remember that the God who chose this perfectly imperfect little boy for us knew exactly what we would need to take care of him.

And He will provide.

Just look at this face!

{The Key to Life}

Time flies when you have a newborn (I was informed that I am allowed to call him a newborn until he hits the three-month mark)! Sadly, I return to work on Monday, so I have been soaking in plenty of Kieran time.

Seriously, this boy is growing like a weed!

Kieran got to see his doctor again for his two-month check-up! At two weeks, he was the same as at birth: 8 pounds, 2 ounces, and 21 inches long. Seven weeks later, he weighed in at 13 pounds, 3 ounces, and 23 3/4 inches long--that's a gain of 5 pounds, 1 ounce and 2 3/4 inches!!

It seems I need to play a little catch up:

Kieran at one month :)

My loverly friend, Bekah, took some photos for me!

Seven weeks

Eight weeks

Two months

Nine weeks

I made this onesie for him!

He is becoming quite the active little fellow! A couple of weeks ago, I went back and reread some portions of Babywise. Since he was becoming more awake and losing that newborn sleepiness, I realized that he would sleep from one feeding the next, then sometimes be awake for the whole time between feedings. This extended awake time would make him overtired and cranky; then he wouldn't eat well, and that could easily be a day-ruiner. Since he's generally a happy kiddo, I knew it was the tiredness doing it to him. Following the book's advice, I started keeping him awake after his feeding time and putting him down for a nap about an hour after he started feeding. This allows him to have a 90-minute to two-hour nap. 

After a couple of days, he started going down like a champ! Of course, he will fuss sometimes. And there is that pesky 45-minute intruder they talk about, where he will wake up in the middle of his nap for no reason at all. But we learned together, and he does so well when we are at home. Unfortunately, his alertness means that it is more difficult for him to fall asleep at the grocery store like he used to. Now he wants to look at everything, so planning trips with him during his nap time has gotten more tricky. Sometimes he will let me place a blanket over his head, but that is not something I can count on. :)

Kieran is fairly vocal now, and it is so much fun to coo at him and make funny sounds just to see him react. He has recently graduated to size two diapers and often downs five ounces of breast milk at his 7:30 p.m. feeding. For a few weeks now, he has been sleeping through the night a few days out of the week. Taking him up to the next size diaper at night really helped with that. The key has really been getting him to eat a good amount at 10:30 so he can hang on till morning. Last night, I think he had his first true dream feed, where he slept through the whole feeding--diaper change and all--only opening his eyes once or twice!

This is a long post, but I just want to add one more thing. I have been reading through Proverbs for the first time as a parent, and it has given me such a different perspective! I have always read it as a child who needs to listen to the wisdom of my parents and mentors. Now, I can see the perspective of the parent who longs to help their child navigate through the world--warning them of the dangers and temptations they will face and urging them to seek wisdom and to treasure God and His Word. When I think of how desperately I long for my son to accept Christ and to choose Him every time the opportunity arises, I am blown away by how I know my Heavenly Father must long for me to consistently choose what He wants for me. What would be the exponent on that? How can I ignore such perfect fatherly devotion? How can I forget the closeness that He offers to me?

"Take hold of my instructions; don’t let them go. Guard them, for they are the key to life." --Proverbs 4:13

Prodigal's Words on Motherhood

I recently saw a link to an article in Prodigal Magazine, which was part of a series on motherhood. I wanted to share the best two of the articles with you--they're not life-changing, just sweet and thought-provoking.

This one is from the perspective of a new mother, and this one is from the perspective of a single woman.

Post-Mother's Day Post

My little boy was six weeks old on Saturday, and yesterday we celebrated our first Mother's Day!

Six weeks already!

Look at that face!

Our little family :)

This was my Mother's Day present; the note inside says, "Just so you know, Dad and I love you a lot. Happy Mother's Day.  --Kieran"

He is getting so big! I love how alert and focused he is when he is awake now. He is grunting and cooing, kicking and swinging his arms around. Kieran smiled his first smile when he was five weeks old:

Like any other parents, it is now one of our greatest goals to coax that smile out of him whenever possible! Kieran has also been taking breast milk out of a bottle once a day, and he seems to be eating 3-4 ounces, depending on the time of day--he is chunking out! :) 

I spend a lot of my day feeding this little guy, and with the special day yesterday, it made me think about how dependent he is on me. I realized that last Mother's Day I was pregnant with Asher, and I didn't even know it. I love how much God has taught me in the past year! Just like Kieran, I am completely dependent on my Heavenly Father for my physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. But unlike Kieran, I am capable of making myself believe that I can provide these things for myself. My brief experiences as a mom have shown me that I have a desperate need that can only be fulfilled by my one true Love. 

As my love grows for my husband and especially for my son--this new little person in my life--I am constantly reminded of God's love for me and awed by His faithfulness in a stubborn child like me. Life is good.