Grace Upon Grace

This song has been running through my head today...I was going to highlight a certain part of the song that really stuck out to me, but, honestly, every single word has spoken to my soul today.

You have ordained every breath we take 

In pleasure or pain, there is no mistake 

Gladness and grief, both are in Your hand 

And sufferings brief carry out Your plan 

And our fleeting sorrows

Will yield an endless prize

When some bright tomorrow 

We’ll see You with our eyes, and

Grace upon grace flows down, flows down 

Grace upon grace flows down, flows down 

Through the precious blood of Christ

Father of lights, Giver of all grace

Your mercies crown our lives all our days 

River of Life, quench our thirsty souls

For no true delight does Your love withhold 

And in every season

We are satisfied

For just one reason

Christ was crucified, and

All good gifts, every good thing 

Comes to us freely, so freely 

All good gifts, every good thing 

Comes to us freely, so freely 

Through the precious blood 

Through the precious blood

Today, I had the perfect moment of delight when I got to see this:

Scrunched up little forehead, adorable button nose, perfectly chubby cheeks...oh, and that mouth--I'm in love! This is the one I have been dreaming of.

But delight can be bittersweet when gladness is tempered with grief. No, there is no cause for alarm. Baby is growing and active and my womb seems to be the perfect baby motel when it comes to the last trimester. I just don't know how that all works out, what with my being 'a foot shy of 5' 11"', as my doctor said today. :) My ultrasound today was a growth check to see what position the baby is in and its estimated size to help us make a more informed decision. At 37 weeks and one day, Baby measured at 37 weeks and six days, and was estimated to be seven pounds and eight ounces. Whew! Now everyone can see why I am so tired.

The estimation supposedly has a one-pound margin of error, but when Kieran had a growth check at 38 weeks, he was estimated to be seven pounds and 11 ounces--and he came out at eight pounds and two ounces. So...it all seems pretty plausible. Needless to say, the doctor I saw today did not have the encouragement that I wanted to hear. I had never met him before, but everyone at the clinic seems to rave about him. 

He gave me the "if you were my daughter" speech, which outlined what he thought were my chances. If, say, he thought I had an 85 percent chance of a successful labor and delivery, he would consider my one percent chance of uterine rupture to be worth the risk. But since my c-section last time was not due to some sort of emergency but because of a slow progression of labor and Kieran not dropping down like he should, he thought that dropped me down to a 50/50 chance. Add to that the "strike" against me of my stature and the apparent chubbiness of my babies (in Kieran's defense, he was also 21 inches long, which is the longer end of the spectrum that I usually see), and he saw me dropping down to a 25 percent chance of a successful delivery. Comparing that 25 percent chance against that same one percent chance of rupture, he does not see how it would be really worth the risk.

All that aside, he also said he wouldn't be mad at his daughter if she tried anyway. ;)

I have to admit that this was so not the news that I was wanting to hear. It has to be pretty similar to training for a marathon for nine months...and then being told at the last minute that you have been disqualified. How disheartening. I definitely cried once I got into my car--not out of any ungratefulness, but because I had just had one of my very real hopes crushed. I was trying to pour it all out to God as I drove to the mall to run an errand before I went home, but I was having such a hard time pinning down all of my emotions. They all seemed illogical next to the fact that I have a live, healthy baby growing inside of me.

I dropped off my wedding ring to be cleaned while I ran errands, and when I came back, I found a pretty awesome surprise. Not only had the jeweler cleaned my ring, but she re-plated it for me--for free! It is something I have been wanting to do for a long while now but hadn't found a good time to spend the money. She said my ring (which is white gold) was starting to yellow, which was why she did it. I know that it was also pretty scuffed up in general and had a couple really good scratches after six-plus years. It is so beautiful and shiny, and it looks almost like new!!

And as I walked back to my car, I again wanted to cry. God encouraged me at the moment that I needed it and showed me exactly how His grace works in my life. He takes something tarnished and beaten down by the world and covers it with His grace, making it new again. And that is exactly what He did with my perspective. As the song says, "You have ordained every breath we take/In pleasure or pain, there is no mistake/Gladness and grief, both are in Your hand/And sufferings brief carry out Your plan...All good gifts, every good thing/Comes to us freely, so freely."

God has ordained this for my life. I don't know the reason, but then, I'm not always supposed to know, am I?  Yes, there was something I greatly desired that I had asked God for on many occasions. Most likely, I will not get exactly what I asked for. But I also asked that God would protect my baby and cause him or her to grow. And I asked Him to show me how to be the mom s/he needs me to be, as I learn to be a mother of two. And He is working out these things in His own time. 

Time and time again, we will face disappointments in this life and see our lives not taking the path we thought that they would. But time and time again, God will satisfy us in every season.

Grace upon grace.

The War is Already Won

On my way home from work today, I was listening to this song...

...and I was totally hit by the lyrics.

They are not very complex. They are all words that have been said before. But, sometimes, God needs to slam a concept into the front of your brain. That's when you have one of those, "Ohhhh...." moments.

I love the fact that I can claim this song as true in my life--so many things are vying for my heart, but Christ already fought and won the battle long ago on the cross. Oftentimes, we are confronted with a prosperity gospel, but there is a very certain lie at the heart of the message: "You just need to follow God a certain way, and then He will bless you so that your bank accounts will be overflowing because that is who He is and what He can do." He CAN do that. He just never promised that He would.

Instead, He promised that He would care for us, just as He cares for all of His creatures and instructed us to focus on obeying Him and our impact on eternity (Matthew 6:25-33). To Israel, God often promised abundance of crops and food and children, but for disciples of Christ we are not promised such earthly things; yet, we are assured of an abundance of these three things (at least):

1. Life
   "I am the door. If anyone enters by me, he will be saved and will go in and out and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep." --John 10:9-11
2. Joy
   " These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full." --John 15:11
   "Though you have not seen [Christ], you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls." --1 Peter 1:8-9
3. Power
   "For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." --2 Timothy 1:7
   "The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain." --1 Corinthians 15:56-58

It can be so easy to feel like we are failing and we are the only ones who don't have it all together. But we know that the hard part--the battle--has already been fought for us. We just need to live in light of that victory!

Source

"That Was Totally...Wicked!"

I thought that maybe I should mention that the day before we left for vacation I made a trip to Des Moines with some friends to see...................................Wicked!

I had friends who had seen this and really loved it, and I so wanted to go to a professional musical, since I feel like I got shafted by seeing Rent in high school (no one told me the story line on that one). It was amazing! I was familiar with the story and had been listening to the soundtrack, but, truly, nothing beats live performances. Theatre will always live on because it delivers something cinema never can--a magical feeling that you are actually getting caught up in the story.

Anyway, my favorite songs, "Defying Gravity" and "For Good", were just as spectacular as I expected, if not more so because of the live sound.

The song, "Popular", was not my favorite of the night. In the soundtrack, Kristen Chenowith interpreted the song more melodically than this actress did. She went for flirty/ditsy/annoying, which works, but wasn't my favorite. 

Of course, I cheated and took these pictures off of Google, so they're not even the Civic Center cast--I wouldn't be rude enough to actually be taking pictures during the show. :) It was so much fun to dress up, go out to eat, and "take in a show", like it was something I did everyday!

Take Heart

Well, I just got back from another amazing week counseling at Sr. High camp, which I hope to tell you about in my next post. In the meantime, here is a song I have really fell in love with. In this case, I actually like the cover better than the original, I think. :) Enjoy!

Calmer of the Storm

When everything is wrong

The day has passed and nothing's done

And the whole world seems against me

When I'm rolling in my bed

There's a storm in my head

I'm afraid of sinking in despair

Teach me, Lord, to have faith

In what You're bringing me will

Change my life and bring you glory

There on the storm I am learning to let go

Of the will that I so long to control

There may I be in Your arms eternally

I thank You, Lord, You are the Calmer of the storm

You rebuke the wind and the waves

Once again, I find I'm amazed

By the power of Your will

'Cause I'm a child of little faith

I feel the wind and forget Your grace

And You say, "Peace, be still."

Teach me, Lord, to have faith

In what You're bringing me will

Change my life and bring you glory

There on the storm I am learning to let go

Of the will that I so long to control

There may I be in Your arms eternally

I thank You, Lord, You are the Calmer of the storm

Oh, when the torment blows

The middle of the sea

May I never trust, never trust in me

'Cause there in Your arms I find

No tragedy

There on the storm I am learning to let go

The white wave's high, it's crashing o'er the deck

And I don't know where to go

Where are You, Lord, this ship is going down?

The mast is gone, so throw the anchor

Should I jump and try to swim to land?

There on the storm teach me God to understand

Of Your will that I just cannot control

There may I see all Your love protecting me

I thank You, Lord, You are the Calmer of the storm

Source

On My Heart Today

Trusting in all things...and this song.

Source

You Are More

Christmastime is over! How sad.

However, I like to think that the holidays continue from Thanksgiving, through Christmas and New Year's, to my birthday (this Monday). That's why my Christmas decorations are still up. :)

It is rather odd for me to contemplate being in my late twenties (or is 27 still mid-twenties?). I think I'm starting to understand what it must feel like to see your age increase in number but not necessarily in other ways. I still don't know what I am going to do for my birthday or anything. Always celebrating in the winter has somewhat limited my options--although, I have gone skiing, which not everyone can do on theirs. What better way to celebrate the years of your life than to risk them? ;)

Today, at work, I was contemplating things like age and my life, and I was reminded of this video, which I thought I would share with you all:

Hope you all had a good holiday!

Won't You Lead Me?

Today, Jordan and I were driving to a birthday lunch for his grandpa's 83rd birthday. While on our hour-long trek to "the best Pizza Ranch in Iowa," Jordan turned to me and said, "I heard this song the other day that I think you would really like."

"Oh, yeah?" I said. "What was it?"

"I don't remember. It was a song about a guy and his wife and stuff, but when you hear it, you'll like it."

Oh, okay.

On our way home, filled with salad, pizza, and birthday cake, we were just pulling into town when this song came on the radio, and Jordan started poking me. In this relationship, I am the music lover, so when a song actually stands out to my husband, I know it is worth listening to.

Album Review: "Until The Whole World Hears"--Casting Crowns

I wish I could just gush about this album. Jordan's sister gave it to him as a gift for Christmas, and I fell in love with it! I have always enjoyed Casting Crowns' music--it is hard-hitting and truthful, with amazing instrumentals and vocals. And while I don't often listen to their first album (their six-year-old debut), I find that I can never really tire of their songs because they never stop being true and I always need to hear what they have to say.

The title of Crowns' fourth studio album, Until The Whole World Hears, comes from lead singer and songwriter Mark Hall's mentor, who would always end his e-mails with the phrase. This is the rocky single many people have heard on the radio calling listeners to "ready yourselves"--you know, the one with all the "Whoa-oa-oas" and some excellent electric guitar riffs. :) The second track on the album "If We've Ever Needed You" is a song about crying out to God in desperate need. This song is followed by "Always Enough," a sweet, piano-led melody inspired by a student in Hall's youth group who lost his father in Afghanistan. The line "In a dry and weary land, Lord, You are the rain" ends the song and, I think, sums up its message. 

"Joyful, Joyful" is a fun, rockier version of the 1907 hymn set to Beethoven's classic "Hymn to Joy." You can't help but love the violin on this one, as well as the way the group breaks out during the chorus. And the tracks "At Your Feet" and "Blessed Redeemer," my two favorite songs on Until The Whole World Hears, are filled with striking harmonies that I can never get enough of. I just can't help it--I'm a sucker for good harmony, and violinist Melodee DeVevo does it oh, so well. In fact, my friend, Jenny, and I are going to sing the latter at church on the 17th, which is why this is at the forefront of my mind once again. Not only do I love the story of this 21st century rendition of the 1920's hymn, but I am enamored by the sound, as well.

The song "Glorious Day (Living He Loved Me)" amazingly describes the gospel in the chorus:

Living, He loved me
Dying, He saved me
Buried, He carried my sins far away
Rising, He justified freely forever
One day He’s coming
Oh glorious day, oh glorious day

Based on Psalm 63, "Holy One" is another e-guitar-led tune calling everyone to praise the Holy One--a call Casting Crowns makes difficult to ignore. "To Know You" and "Mercy" are songs that speak of brokenness and finding rest in the One who is enough. You'll find that "Jesus Hold Me Now" is a song based off of the story in Luke 15 about the prodigal son. Mark Hall describes it this way:  "The Prodigal Son is a big story for me. I always thought it was amazing how they never mention his name. That’s because I think he has a lot of names and one of them is Mark." Lastly, you may stumble upon the "secret" song, "Shadow of Your Wings," which is a precursor to Holy One that originated with the youth group band and was one of the first "up-beat rocker songs" Mark had ever written.

Okay, so I know that my reviews are totally prejudiced (I'll admit it, Ryan) nor are they very technical, but I will honestly share whether or not I like something and why. And, honestly, I find it difficult not to like anything on this album. Normally, you have that one song that you always skip, but not on this one (except maybe the secret song, but that doesn't count, does it?). Until The Whole World Hears is an encouraging, convicting collection of songs with just the right variety of slower and up-tempo songs. I love that, in one song, I can feel the electric guitar leading the way, in another the piano, while in another it's the violin--and all of the combinations in between. This is definitely a must-try. Hop on Pandora or Grooveshark and see what I mean!

I'm Just Not Strong Enough

So...I've been a little busy. Working and packing and traveling and packing and moving and definitely not unpacking because I still have to work.

I promise there will be pictures of our new place when some semblance of order has been restored. I promise that I will write a real post as soon as we figure out how to get our internet hooked up (Funny story, actually...we are automatically redirected to a webpage that asks us to enter an account number and registration code, of which both our internet provider and property manager are apparently unaware of. I need to work on my hacking skills....). And I promise that I will fill you in on our Chicago trip, as well (Always choose the toll-free route!). In the mean time, here is something that will hopefully entertain and encourage you, since it seems that I unable to do so. 

My Beloved

You're My Beloved
You're My Bride
To sing over you is My delight
Come away with Me, My love


Under My mercy
Come and wait
Till we are standing face to face
I see no stain on you, My child

You're beautiful to Me
So beautiful to Me

I sing over you My song of peace
Cast all your cares down at My feet
Come and find your rest in Me

I'll breathe My life inside of you
I'll bear you up on eagle's wings
And hide you in the shadow of My strength
I'll take you to My quiet waters
I'll restore your soul
Come rest in Me and be made whole

You're My beloved
You're My bride
To sing over you is My delight
Come away with Me, My love

On Saturday, I had the privilege of singing this song at the wedding of two of my friends, Brian and Emily. Just as their wedding was beautiful in their own, unique way, so is this song. I am now forever in love with song and the beauty, peace, and truth it holds, as well as the picture it paints for me. The song was released on two different albums; here is a snippet from the newer version. Enjoy!

What a Crazy Deal

Due to my lack of organization and foresight, I ended up spending a fair amount of time in my little car, Santa Maria, last weekend. Thank God (and Jordan) for my mp3 transmitter! I always find it amazing that I can listen to a song twenty times and never catch the meaning until the twenty-first. That's how it was with this song.

Okay, so these words made me speechless! I keep coming back to "I'll supply your every lack and need". So simple, yet so true. So much of my day can be spent with rushing around or the opposite--procrastination. I always seem to forget to remember to rely on God for the little things. Then, of course, there's this line: "Don’t you know/I crossed the line it's true/When I left my throne behind for you/I gave it all for you". Well, then. So, the God of the Universe left heaven for me and--knowing who I was/am/will be--said, "I will ransom them from the power of the grave; I will redeem them from death..." (Hosea 13:14). And I'm valuable?! Crazy.

Maybe that's why Paul said, "But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong." I've always thought that it is difficult to look at God's love for us and not see it as backwards. We're so used to searching for love and trying to connect with others. But here is what David learned about God: "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be" and "...I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation."

So, here's how I see it:

• God knew me before I was born.
• He saw all the ungodly (a.k.a. things God would not do or be pleased with) things I would ever think, say, or do.
• He loved me anyway.
• He acted on that love in the only way that could allow Him and I to be together forever.

How does that make me feel? Well, for lack of a better word, psyched!

I hope this tune gets in your head, too. While you're at it, check out some of this Lincoln, Nebraska indie group's other music, as well. Enjoy!