For The Good

Today, I had a conversation with a man who came into my workplace. I learned that his sister passed away recently in a kayaking accident. Her husband and adult son were with her and unable to save her. My heart hurts for these men in her life that wanted to protect her and care for her but could not; yet, it was so encouraging to hear him talk about her funeral. He said, "I looked up at the cross above her casket, and I knew that if Jesus could endure death on a cross for me--for all of us--then, what is this light and momentary suffering compared to what He suffered and the eternal joy she will have in heaven?"

Wow.

We were talking about how truly awesome it is to have a God that has experienced suffering and brokenheartedness (you will find this throughout the entire Old Testament book of Hosea). And how our sorrow--while we may have days or weeks that seem to overcome us--will never truly destroy us because we have a firm foundation and a hope (or confident expectation) of God's goodness.

While we were talking for a short time, something came to mind that I have been thinking about the last few days. It's something I said at the beginning of all of this:

I had told God that I would be content in whatever circumstances we were in, and He was helping me be true to that. I liked our life.

I think this is somewhat true. I was praying that God would help me to be content that we hadn't moved on to houses or having children like many of our friends had--and He was definitely answering my prayer. But I have come to realize that perhaps I was also content just to have a "peaceful" life. Not much in the way of change. "Lord, please don't bring any ripples into my life...well, maybe just enough to make life interesting, but nothing too serious." I was trusting in a false peace; I was trusting in my circumstances to give me peace.

Another of the names of God, Jehovah-Shalom, means "The Lord is Peace" or "The Lord our Peace". "Shalom is a derivative of shâlêm (which means 'be complete' or 'sound'). Shalom is translated as 'peace' or 'absence from strife.'" The only place this is found in the Bible is in Judges 6. The angel of the Lord appears to Gideon--the least of his father's house in the weakest clan in Manasseh--and tells him that he, a "mighty man of valor" will save Israel from its oppressors. In the midst of this message, Gideon asks some pretty telling questions:  "Please, sir, if the Lord is with us, why then has all this happened to us? And where are all his wonderful deeds that our fathers recounted to us...?" Why are bad things happening to your people? Why have you abandoned us? Why me? Why now?

The angel declares to Gideon,  "But I will be with you, and you shall strike the Midianites as one man." Gideon, who cannot seem to wrap his head around all of this, asks if the angel will show him a sign that this message is really from God. He presents an offering to the angel of the Lord, who touches the offering with his staff. The offering is consumed by fire, and the angel of the Lord disappears. This, Gideon believes.

Gideon cries out, "Alas, O Lord God! For now I have seen the angel of the Lord face to face." The very God of the universe replies to him,  "Peace be to you. Do not fear; you shall not die." Gideon was afraid that he, the least of men, would die for coming face to face with an angel of God. He encountered perfection and saw all of his imperfections. I wonder if he wasn't also afraid that God was asking too much of him. Or blinded by the enormity of his task. This mirrors Peter's reaction to Jesus in Matthew 14. Shortly before dawn, Jesus came to the disciples, walking on water while they and their ship were beaten by waves. 

But when the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, "It is a ghost!" and they cried out in fear. But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, "Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid." And Peter answered Him, "Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water." He said, "Come." So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, "Lord, save me." Jesus immediately reached out His hand and took hold of him, saying to him, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?"

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How often I long for still and calm waters when I have a Savior who can rebuke the wind and the waves! One who immediately reaches out His hand when I cry out to him as I feel the waters overtake me.

The song I inserted at the beginning of this post is one I have really been meditating on as of late. I could just give you a link to the lyrics, but they are so amazing, you are just going to have to forgive me for my obnoxiousness as I quote them here:

For The Good

When darkness is surrounding me

By Your Spirit Lord help me sing

That You are working all things out

Lord I really need to hear You speak

Remind me in the waiting

That You are working all things out

For the good of those

Who are called by You

For the good of those

Who are in love with You 

That's why we sing

Holy God of light

I lay down my life

Holy is the Lord

Even in the storm be glorified

We like to take the blessing from You

Shall we not take the trouble too

You are working all things out

We like to take prosperity

Shall we not take the suffering

You are working all things out

For the good of those

Who are called by You

For the good of those

Who are in love with You 

That's why we sing

Holy God of light

I lay down my life

Holy is the Lord

Even in the storm be glorified

Holy are You Lord

Even in the storm

Be glorified

Good to the Last Drop

“Still He seeks the fellowship of His people and sends them both sorrows and joys to detach their love from other things and attach it to Himself.” --J.I. Packer, author of Knowing God

"You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in Your bottle. You have recorded each one in Your book." --Psalm 56:8

"[Jehovah] is my Shepherd; I have all that I need. He lets me rest in green meadows; He leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength, He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to His name. Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for You are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. ...My cup overflows with blessings. Surely Your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life...."  --Excerpts from Psalm 23

I have been thinking a lot lately about the theology of suffering. (If you have already heard some of this from me, I'm sorry, but it has definitely been on my heart.) Over the last couple of years, I have had some friends that have dealt with some very, very difficult problems. As I saw them struggle through pain and grief, I looked at my life and wondered two things:

1. Am I worthy of suffering for Christ?
   
   Paul tells us that we "have been given not only the privilege of trusting in Christ but also the privilege of suffering for Him." Timothy tells us to "endure suffering along with [him], as a good soldier of Christ Jesus." And then Paul also says that "what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory [God] will reveal to us later." A lot of this is probably talking about standing up for your faith, not being afraid to tell others about what Christ has done for us and for them, and withstanding persecution. But I think it also means bearing any suffering that comes our way in the manner that Christ did.
2. If--and, more likely, when--suffering comes into my life, will I fail?
   Will I be the kind of person who completely falls apart? Will I retreat into myself or lash out at others? Will I grow numb and emotionless or become afraid of everything? Will I just survive? Or will I thrive?

There were a couple of articles that I read that really helped me with my fear of trials. One, entitled Seven Thoughts on Suffering, encourages readers "to develop a theology of suffering before the dark night comes. You do not wait until you are choking to learn the Heimlich and neither should you wait until you are in the throes of tragedy before learning the reason behind, and the response to, suffering." The other, John Piper's Don't Waste Your Cancer, encourages readers to see God's hand in everything. "It will not do to say that God only uses our cancer but does not design it. What God permits, he permits for a reason. And that reason is his design." David Powlison adds, "Recognizing his designing hand does not make you stoic or dishonest or artificially buoyant. Instead, the reality of God’s design elicits and channels your honest outcry to your one true Savior. God’s design invites honest speech, rather than silencing us into resignation."

Why am I telling you about all of this? Because before God brought us this trial--small though it may be in comparison to what I know many go through--He brought me these truths. So, when we realized that we would never get to hold our tiny, unknown-to-us child, God, as my Shepherd, gently led me back to the right paths--leading me, renewing me, and revealing His unfailing love to me.

That's why the name of God that we are going to look at today is Jehovah-Raah, The Lord My Shepherd.

Rô'eh from which Raah derived, means "shepherd" in Hebrew. A shepherd is one who feeds or leads his flock to pasture. ...An extend translation of this word, rea', is "friend" or "companion." This indicates the intimacy God desires between Himself and His people. When the two words are combined — Jehovah Raah — it can be translated as "The Lord my Friend."

When it comes to those bumps in the road, those dark valleys, or those times of undeniable, irrefutable pain, I want to be able to thrive. Maybe not in ways others can see, but I want to flourish in Christ. I want to be able to love others even when my own problems seem too big for me to handle. I want to be able to bring glory to God in all things, to know Him more, and become more like Him. These past weeks have been an amazing time of acknowledging the nearness of my God. Of seeing the desperate ache of my heart filled by a Heavenly Father who always satisfies. 

I have come to recognize the worth of suffering--temporarily and eternally. And, too, the value of people:

• I am cherished by my Shepherd. He collects my tears in a bottle...I know that He rejoices when I rejoice and sorrows when I sorrow.
• God has created a wonderful thing for us in the family of God. When we experience the love of our brothers and sisters in Christ, we experience the unity God meant for us, and He ministers to us through them.
• Our baby is supremely valuable to God. If I truly want to honor my Little One, then I would not waste a moment of what God might want to do through his or her short life. 

Christ is worth it all. Whatever we endure, whatever we overcome, if we let Him use it to help us know Him more, become more like Him, and help others to know Him, then everything was worthwhile. In a sense, I want to squeeze every last drop out of the difficulties of life. 

I want to blossom.

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When There Just Aren't Enough Words

Sometimes, words do not do justice to how we feel. 

Sad.

Broken.

Empty.

When even crying seems like a hollow expression of how you truly feel or of what the situation deserves.

To my great joy and disbelief, Memorial Day weekend, I discovered that Jordan and I were pregnant. Pregnant! I had a little baby growing inside of me. A baby that I did not ask for, did not plead God for, did not spend time daydreaming would come. I had told God that I would be content in whatever circumstances we were in, and He was helping me be true to that. I liked our life.

But, oh...if He wanted us to have a baby, then who was I to argue? If His timing could surprise me, then I love surprises! I went into my extreme planning mode, and quickly thought how I could tell my husband of four years that he was going to be a father. I decided to go back to the beginning:  five years ago, this July, Jordan asked me to marry him in the dusky twilight at a lighted swinging bridge. Five years ago, he gave me a ring as a sign of his sincerity and a promise to indeed make me his wife. I wanted to take him back to this place where we had one of our beginnings. To make him walk me through what he did, what he was thinking, what made him nervous. Then, right where it all started for us, I wanted to get down on my knee, and nervously ask Jordan if he was ready to start a family with me because he was going to be a daddy!

This seemed like the perfect plan, so a few days later I sent off his wedding ring for some engraving. I wanted it to say:  One hope. One life. One family. 

A week-and-a-half they said. That is how long you will have to wait for your husband's ring. That is how long you will have to hold this secret inside of you, just like you hold this baby inside of you. And, while I was bursting at the seams, I had an appointment to find out when my baby was expected to enter into the world--another thing I could tell him during our special moment!

Friday, June 3rd, I got to see my Little One. I saw the sparkle of its heart beating and heard the fast-paced whooshing of those beats. Oh, the tears of joy that came when I realized that the God of the universe had begun to form a real person inside of me! Seven weeks and three days! That is how old my baby was already--I could not believe we were that far along.

Yesterday, the ring finally came in. It was perfect. It said everything I wanted it to say, perfectly summing up the vision I saw for our family. Only...I wasn't so sure our family was going to be three anymore. I had had a lot of pain over the last few days, pain that reached its crescendo early Friday morning at about 3:00 a.m. When I woke up, I felt like I just knew. Knew that it was just me. No one was sharing my body any more. 

I had an ultrasound late that morning to see what happened. Thankfully, I was okay--nothing scary on that end.  However, the very nice ultrasound technician confirmed my thoughts and feelings. Eight weeks and three days. That is as far as my baby made it. Eight weeks...such a very short time; yet, a lifetime for my Little One.

How do you describe the emptiness? The destruction of hopes and dreams? Plans made...gone. How do you tell your husband that he was going to be a dad, and in the same moment tell him his baby is gone? Ineffectually, I guess. Everything about this situation makes me feel ineffectual and confused. On the one hand, I am relieved that I finally get to share the last few weeks with my other half. I am relieved that my pain is gone and my body feels good again. I am relieved to just know how things turned out, when the last few days, in the back of my mind, I had already started preparing myself for this possibility--battling between hope and despair. On the other hand, I am angry at myself for being relieved. For making my stupid, stupid plans that forced me to tell Jordan everything in the span of an hour. And angry, too, at my body for betraying me and not letting me do the one thing I wanted to:  protect my child.

The whole situation is confusing. How can I grieve openly when no one knows I have anything to grieve about? One thing is sure:  I never, ever want to pretend like it did not happen. It did happen. I will always, always remember. That is why I want to get this all out--all at once. Rip the band-aid off. Cleanse the open wound.

The name of God I was going to write about next was Jehovah-Rapha, The Lord My Healer. 

God knew. 

"Rapha means 'to restore', 'to heal' or 'to make healthful' in Hebrew. ...Jehovah is the Great Physician who heals the physical and emotional needs of His people." After much traveling in the wilderness and complaints  from the Israelites, God reveals Himself to them in Exodus 15 as their Healer. In Hosea 11, God said this of Israel:

When Israel was a child, I loved him, and out of Egypt I called my son. The more they were called, the more they went away; they kept sacrificing to the Baals and burning offerings to idols. Yet it was I who taught Ephraim to walk; I took them up by their arms, but they did not know that I healed them. I led them with cords of kindness, with the bands of love, and I became to them as one who eases the yoke on their jaws, and I bent down to them and fed them.

Even when we are faithless, He is faithful to heal us! If there are two things that are clearer to me now then ever before, it is that, one, I love my husband more than I ever have or could have thought possible. I rejoice and am thankful that he is simply amazing, and we are two pieces of the same jigsaw puzzle that fit perfectly together. And, two, God is near me. He is everything to me. He loves me--and my child--more than I will ever be able to comprehend. He is The Lord My Healer.

Who is God to You?

"Is He your Most High God, All-sufficient One, Master, Lord of Peace, the Lord Who Will Provide? Is He your Father? We must be careful not to make God into an 'it' or a 'thing' to which we pray. He is our Jehovah Raah, the Lord our Shepherd. God knows us by our name, shouldn't we know Him by His" (Source)?

The sad truth is that many people want a God that fits their lives, not a life that's fit for God. So often I hear people say, "Well, my God would never do that" or "My God is too loving for that." The funny thing is, do they know how irreverent that is?

My God cannot be contained by me. That's why He's not really "mine" in an ownership sense, just "mine" in a relationship sense--like my husband or my best friend. I know I cannot change my husband into someone that he is not. How many sappy movies have had their conflict based on that venture? So, why do people think they can mold God into Someone that suits their needs? He is who He is...yesterday, today, and forever. One of His best attributes, in my mind, is that He is unchanging. I was reading a book recently where the author quoted someone who said that the Word of God is malleable--flowing like a current with our culture and the needs of society. If that were the case, how could we have any belief or trust? Where would our assurance be if the God we follow today might not be the same One tomorrow?

That's why today we are going to look at one of the most basic--yet powerful--names of God:  Yahweh.

Yahweh (technically, YHWH), or Jehovah,  occurs over 6,000 times in the Old Testament. It is often translated as "Lord" or "God". And, while I don't want to get too scholarly here, it's pretty complicated in it's meaning. Most often, it is related to Exodus 3, where Moses asks, "If I come to the people of Israel and say to them, 'The God of your fathers has sent me to you,' and they ask me, 'What is his name?' what shall I say to them?" God said to Moses, "I AM WHO I AM." And he said, "Say this to the people of Israel, 'I AM has sent me to you.'" Yahweh is thought to carry the meaning of "he who causes to exist" or "who gives life"; it could also mean "he who is, who exists".

God is self-existent. Unlike the rest of us, He relies on no one else for His being. In fact, He is indeed our source of life. And He's complicated. I like that about Him. :) No, he is not complicated in the facebook status sort of way. He is multi-faceted like a beautiful diamond--look at Him through a different circumstance and you might see something you've never seen before.

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