That Unreachable Trait

Everyone has one seemingly unobtainable character trait.

Some people want to be brave. They want to let go of their timidity and make the scary choices in life.

Others want to be ambitious. They want to be passionate about something and have the drive to go after it.

I have always wanted to embody gentleness.

Sometimes, it seems like this ethereal concept that I reach for. 

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight (1 Peter 3:3-4).

Maybe I am too much of a romantic, growing up reading too many books. Like Anne of Green Gables, I can only focus on my character flaws, and I am blinded to the beauty that discipline and love can create. I have a few friends who seem to exude gentleness in the way they speak, the way they listen, and even in their body language. I, on the other hand, tend to be loud and boisterous. My way of breaking the ice or trying to make someone more comfortable is to rely on humor. I cannot change my personality--nor would I want to--but I think this explains why I struggle with this "unreachable" trait. Just what does gentleness look like, for goodness sake?

Gentleness is a strong hand with a soft touch. It is a tender, compassionate approach toward others' weaknesses and limitations. A gentle person still speaks truth, sometimes even painful truth, but in doing so guards his tone so the truth can be well received.

Striving for that gentle and quiet spirit will, I think, be one of my overarching goals of parenthood. I foresee God using motherhood to shape this spirit in me as I silence my own petty desires when life doesn't seem to go my way. As I handle a child's fragile heart and strive to impart truth and love to that same heart. As I learn to view the world through little eyes and see just how big seemingly unimportant things can be.

God uses the people in our lives to show us just how selfish we really are. And He uses truth as a mirror to show us our weaknesses, asking us to run to Him and allow His strength to be made perfect in them.

What is your "unreachable" trait?

A Good Day to be a Dad

Kieran on the left and Baby #3 on the right, both at 20 weeks.

Today was ultrasound day! As a belated Father's Day present of sorts, we got a sneak peek at how our munchkin has been growing. ...And, no, we did not find out the gender this time, either. :)

Almost looks like some sort of smile here, doesn't it?

Baby is healthy and growing well, and I am right at my goal as well:  I have only gained eight pounds in this first half of pregnancy, putting me right back at my pre-pregnancy weight with Kieran. We still don't know for sure if I will get to have the chance for a VBAC, but I am doing everything I can to make sure I am healthy and strong in case I do. Kieran and I go for at least one-hour walks whenever the weather cooperates, and I know that has contributed a lot, as did nursing him (which I am no longer doing, but that is a post for another time).

I rotate through different midwives at the clinic I go to, and there is one there who has been very encouraging of my interest in a VBAC, so I was really thankful to be able to meet with her again today. At 12 weeks, I had complete placenta previa, which was not necessarily abnormal at that stage, but it would also cause us to have to undergo another C-section. At this appointment, 20 weeks, the placenta was still posterior, but not a complete "previa". To make a long story short, we get to have another ultrasound in eight weeks to check on the position of the placenta. Still, my midwife was very encouraging that this shouldn't be a problem (the ultrasound tech said it was something like a one percent chance that it would not "migrate" to where it needed to be) nor should it hinder my chances of a VBAC. So, she is going to give me the names of some doctors in Des Moines that I can make an appointment with and see what they think. While I have accepted either outcome, I am very excited that we can continue to pursue this option!

Munchkin was not as cooperative as Kieran was at this time, s/he seemed very sleepy and, even though s/he had a full bladder, just seemed to want to drink amniotic fluid and cross his/her arms over his/her head. We even got a few videos on our CD this time, which we did not with Kieran, so that was a nice surprise.

You can see Baby drinking here (look at that full bladder)...

...And kicking here!

In addition to all of this excitement, I can't forget to mention some fun firsts Kieran has had in the last few days.

Kieran went to his first parade!

We saw a fun little float celebrating the town's 100-year-old carousel.

We let the other kids with us grab all the candy, as they could actually enjoy it. :)

Kieran had his first M&M experience on Father's Day. See his shirt? "Good looks courtesy of Dad" :)

Blue hands!

Mommy and Daddy also took him to the pool for the very first time.

Fountain splashing

He's pretty much big stuff!

We are still learning and growing and being challenged, but I cherish these memories so much. I am so thankful for my family! 

Some Days are More Important than Others

Some days are more important than others...and some months, too. For instance, it almost seems like Kieran has changed more in the last two months than he did during the first two. No, his growth hasn't been on the same level as far as his height and weight are concerned, but he is growing by leaps and bounds! It took him ten months to sprout his first two teeth, then right around the one-year mark, they just started popping through. Now he has eight teeth, and he is working on his canines (ouch!). In the last two months, he has gone from standing while holding, to walking while holding, to walking and standing all by himself! At 14 months, he is practically almost running at times, except he is still working on his balance. :)

He has finally mastered "Dada", too. He would rarely ever say it, so we weren't even sure if he was saying it. But now he says it quite frequently--just in time for Father's Day--although, he still prefers to babble "Mama" incessantly. And he does babble all the time. We are working on other words, but there still isn't anything he says consistently enough to know that he has that word down. One of the cutest things ever is the few times he's said, "Ta-da!" One of my favorite things is how affectionate Kieran has become; he never was a very clingy or cuddly boy, but he will hug me now and run to me, and nothing really feels better than that. :)

As I said before, some days really are more important than others. The other day, I was feeling really under the weather, and I could hardly do anything but lay on the couch and run to the bathroom (F.Y.I. I knew better than to take a prenatal vitamin on an empty stomach, but, apparently, even a piece of toast is not enough for me.). I felt like a terrible mom because Kieran was running around on his own, trying to get me to play with him, and I just could not do it. But I realized that I can't let myself focus on the days that I can't do as much for my child. I need to focus on making the good days really count. And even then, I don't want to feel guilty because I'm not doing what I see others doing on facebook or Pinterest but just concentrate on being all there--not distracted by my phone or the internet or my to-do list. It's about giving Kieran moments of pure mommy-son time. It can be so easy to spend time around my child, without spending time with my child. There will always be time to clean the bathroom later! ;)