A Letter to Myself: "On Your Wedding Day"

I have seen these "letters to myself" floating around recently and I thought I might try my hand at it. You have to know that I used to write letters to God and apology letters to my parents, so writing one to myself is not so far-fetched. :)

Dear Almost-Married Self,

I can see you there, you know, sitting on the steps leading up to the stage in the church auditorium. You are the first one in the building, soaking in the silence and the awe of God's presence on this day—a day that is seemingly unimportant in the grand scheme of things, yet, a day that is so sacred because of the huge step of obedience and faith that is about to be taken. I hear your prayers and praises whispered up to the One you trust to hold your marriage together and mold you into the wife you want to be. And you are amazed by how peaceful you feel on this day—that God has allowed you to let go of everything and just experience the day He has given you.

But, here's the thing:  even if you have the perfect day (and it will be almost perfect), you are not perfect. Your husband-to-be is not perfect. What has come before and what is still to come is not and will not be perfect.

So keep letting go.

Let go of any ambitions you have of being the perfect wife:  always looking spectacular, always cooking up amazing dishes, always keeping your home spotless, always remembering everyone's birthdays, always having the right words to say (and knowing when to not say others), and always being a woman who makes her husband look good.

That kind of perfection is an idol. The only kind of perfection we should strive for is God's holiness, and even then Proverbs tells us to be excellent wives—not perfect—because only the blood of Christ can cover those ugly parts of our hearts that still remain. I know you have heard this before, but from the day the serpent deceived Eve in the garden, our hearts have been prone to such deception, and the greatest lies you will believe will come from yourself. Whether you think that you are not good enough for your husband or you think that you are a terrible wife at times, there is something that you have to know.

This marriage—this new creation—is not about you. Really, it is not even about your husband. It is about Christ. It has to be. If Paul said that it is better to be single, then the only lasting reason to marry (besides having children) is that you as a couple will better glorify Him than you would apart. In addition, all of your motivations have to come from Christ. 

Do you love Jordan because he is lovable? Because there are days that he will not be. You should love him because you find him lovely but also because God commanded you to have a loyal, steadfast love for your husband. Do you honor your husband because he is honorable? There are times that he will not be. You must honor him because you want to honor Christ. Remember Ephesians 5:22? "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord." When you disrespect your husband, you disrespect the cross (how is that for perspective?). And then, when children come, you will be an ambassador to them. You represent Christ in their lives; when you tear down your husband, you can only imagine what that will do to their view of God. Besides, that is a terrible burden to place on this man who is pledging his life to you. He should never have to earn your love or respect; they should be given freely and without abandon.

I know that it is scary to think on how you will fail this man you are about to walk down the aisle to—to know that you will, in fact, fail each other on many occasions, and there is nothing that you can do about it. But please do not forget the beauty of this. As individuals and as two people made one, your weaknesses, your insufficiencies, and even your sin can be used for the glory of God. It is not those couples who hide all of their mistakes under a mask of self-righteousness that demonstrate Christ to the lost. It is those who humbly admit wrongs done and rejoice in the grace offered to them by their heavenly Father and by their husband or wife.

Be transparent. 

Be transparent with those around you. Obviously, your speech should be gracious, especially when it concerns your husband. But be open about how you have failed and how God is using that to mold you. Be transparent with your husband. You can talk and talk at him and never really share your heart with him. How can he love you as Christ loves the church if you do not take the time to really examine your heart and share your deepest desires with him? Learn each other's hearts, and find the path to unity that God has for you. Be transparent with God. Try not to run to your husband every time something is wrong, but run to God first. Share all the empty and ugly places of your heart with God (He already knows them anyway), and ask Him to fill them and replace them with His goodness. Hiding your sin will never make you a good wife.

Remember the bigger picture. 

A day, a week, a year...they will all be just one small part of the whole of your marriage. Even if you are not granted many years together, they are still a small part of eternity. Remember that His mercies are new every morning. So get up and try again the next day. Remember also that there are seasons in our lives; you will have dry times and times where it seems as though the blessings are overflowing. It all will pass, and you must stay grounded in the truth. Which leads me to plead with you:  study the Word. Do not let your Bible get dusty when life is busy. Do not speed through a chapter when you are tired and your pillow is calling. Do not miss those opportunities to soak in God's words to you! He has given you everything that you need for life and godliness—why would you ever ignore that?

For me, five years have passed since this day you are embarking upon. I will bet that you think I am well-seasoned by now, and I have it all mastered. Hardly! I can see that the adventure has just begun (hint: your first baby will be born exactly one week after your fifth anniversary!), and I have the best travel guides—a God who takes my hand and leads me step-by-step and a husband who holds me together when I fall apart.

There is so much more that I wish I could tell you. But, as I have now realized, only so much learning can come from books and the advice of others. You just have to hold your breath, jump in feet first, and trust that as you obey God, He will bring the increase in ways you could never imagine.

Happy wedding!