Look Who's One!

Be still, my heart.

This boy is one.

Where, oh, where does the time go? Wasn't it yesterday that I was swaddling him just so? An hour ago that he gave me his first real smile? And five minutes since he said his first word?

How do we mamas do it? How do we watch our bellies stretch and grow to accommodate little life, then watch them leave the protection of our bodies, the protection of our arms, and–someday–the protection of our homes? How do we love them so much that we hope that they someday leave without breaking our hearts? How do we cautiously walk behind them hoping that they will one day allow us to walk beside them?

Growing up his hard. But it's a beautiful thing. The bittersweet give-and-take of life is holding tightly with one hand while the other is letting go. It's leaving behind something you just fell in love with so you can jump wholeheartedly into the next adventure.

God, I love this boy.

Dear Elias,

You have such a grip on my heart. Maybe it was all of the pictures I got to see of you before you entered this world, but I feel like I dreamed of you long before we ever met. I still dream of you–for you. I dream big dreams for you, baby boy, and pray big prayers for you. When you were born, everyone commented just how like your big brother you were. But from day one, I have only seen the youness of you. You have your own sweet way of getting the attention of others, with your huge blue eyes and grin that takes over your whole face.

Elias, I hope you don't always feel like you have to compare yourself to your brother or to anyone else. You are beautiful in your own way. You are beautiful simply because you were created. And you have been the perfect addition to our family. I pray that you find what you have been created for in the wild love of your Savior. I pray that we won't hold you back from seeing this truth but only encourage you to see that there is a God who formed your heart and He wants you to give it back to Him.

I hope you always see joy in the darkness, love in the midst of suffering, and that you can still sing when all seems lost. I pray you always feel like you can turn to us and find safety in our love for you. Of course, I pray that you grow big and strong and that you stay safe. But, oh, how I pray that you refuse to play life safely. I want you to dream big dreams for yourself and boldly cry out to God for Him to work miracles–in your heart, in your life, and in the lives of those around you. I pray that God keeps you humble and that you will be a servant to others. 

I pray that those sweet, trusting eyes of yours will see what a good, wonderful man your daddy is but that you will also see that he is a broken man, and he makes mistakes, too. I hope you can forgive me for all of the mistakes I will make and always know that if I ever push you too hard or hold on too tightly it's because mamas get scared, too.

So, keep on growing baby boy.

I'll be right here.

Love,

Mama