Three Truths for Lasting Love

When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.

--Ephesians 3:14-20 

Seven years ago, we had this passage recited during our wedding ceremony. When I read these verses again on Sunday, I realized just how well they relate to me and to marriage. There are three main points that ring true and are the key to a lasting relationship:

1. Be united.
   
   
   Just as we see the Father, the Spirit, and Christ dwelling together in perfect unity, so we should strive for that same relationship. They are distinctly different, yet always one. There is complete satisfaction within the relationship--the Creator did not make us because He was lonely, but because He is loving. In the same way, a marriage consists of two people, not two plus the kids or two plus a mother or two plus a best friend. We made a promise to each other that we will not complain to others about our spouse (we should never complain at all, but that is a tough one to overcome), and we always try to discuss the important issues with each other first before we ever share them with a friend or family member.
   
   
   We need to face the future and all its unknowns together, but more than that, we must look to our future with a mutual trust in God. We will never find perfect unity as long as we are on this earth, but the only way we can even come close is if we are both striving to be like Christ and be united with Him. "Now it came about when he had finished speaking to Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as himself" (1 Samuel 18:1). This word picture of two souls being knit together, as they were with these best friends that were like brothers, relates so well to what a growing marriage should look like.
   
   
2. Be loving.
   
   
   When I look at my two little boys, sometimes I am overcome with such an overwhelming love for them, that I really don't know how to contain it. But there is always that moment when one displays the ugliness of his sinful heart (and he is a product of me!), and I am not awash with mushy, sentimental feelings--no, I do not like this little person right now. ...Do I love him still? Of course! Love should never be contingent on another's actions or behaviors.
   
   
   But even my fierce mama love cannot compare to the love of Christ; "it is too great to understand fully." His love is strong. His love makes us complete. It is empowering. It is something we can cling to in the darkest of times. It is multi-dimensional. It is unconditional. If you want to love your spouse, seek to love like Christ. Because He is the only example of true, selfless love that we can ever hope to imitate.
   
   
3. Be in prayer and in the Word.
   
   
   I fail at this. All. The. Time.
   
   
   But I cannot overstate the fact that if you want a relationship that lasts, then you are not going to find the answers in books or talk shows or from The Huffington Post. The answers are in God's words to us--and not just passages like Ephesians 5. The whole Bible is given to us so that we might know how to live and how to love. "'Teacher, which is the most important commandment in the law of Moses?' Jesus replied, '"You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind." This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: "Love your neighbor as yourself." The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments'" (Matthew 22:36-40).
   
   So simple; yet, so unattainable for our faithless hearts. How is it that we need help just to love the God who made us? In the same way, I desperately need God to transform my heart into one that is loyal to my husband. One that loves even when it does not feel loved. One that does not cower and wither and shut itself up when hurt. One that loves and loves and then loves more, even when there is nothing left to give. One that dips into the reserves of love and grace an mercy found at the cross and finds that there is always a way for love to conquer sin and suffering and even death.

"When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners. Now, most people would not be willing to die for an upright person, though someone might perhaps be willing to die for a person who is especially good. But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners" (Romans 5:6-8).