And So We Learn

A friend recently asked me to reflect on what God taught me in 2013.

That's a rather large undertaking.

I mean, it was quite the eventful year for us:  we celebrated our son's first birthday, we found out we were pregnant again, we moved (not far), we added another boy to our brood, and I quit my job to stay home with our two kiddos.

So, it's no surprise that the overarching theme of 2013 for me was the call to trust. I struggled with not knowing the outcome of this pregnancy. I struggled with the decision of how our baby would be born. I struggled with the desire to stay home.

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At the beginning of last year, I wrote this:

You see, somewhere along the way, the things we desire so much--even the good things--become our idols. They creep up somewhat unsuspectingly, and push God out of that number one place in our hearts. We stop being still and start striving like little children who see something forbidden just out of their reach. And we start to doubt something fundamental:  that God is good. Because God can't really be good if He withholds good from me.

It is so easy to confuse what I think is best with what God's best for me is. But being at home with the littles has only shed more light on how selfish I am--how I long for peaceful circumstances and tend to take the easy road. All of these things--trust, idolatry, selfishness--they are all the same lesson needing to be learned and relearned.

Some friends of ours just returned from a mission trip to Honduras, and they were amazed that the people there were so joyful in the midst of their poverty. Though they were living in mud huts with tin roofs and four or five to a bed, they were rich in so many other things. Our friends remarked that it seemed that we Americans have surrounded ourselves with things that rob us of our joy and the necessity to trust God. As we look at possibly (finally!) buying a house this year, I can't help but examine my heart in this process. And when I take a closer look, it's not that pretty. "Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people's bones and all uncleanness" (Matthew 23:27). I want to trust God with this search for a home for our family; yet, my heart wants to find a nice house, get a good deal on it, and have it located within my comfort zone.

Would it matter if my house is spacious and beautiful but the people within it are angry and bitter? Would it matter if we saved money only to spend it all on things to fill the house but not hearts? While I do need to trust God to lead us to the right house, I need to be petitioning God daily to help us set up the right home. I need to ask Him to change my heart and help me to choose to do the hard things with my children that will build a lasting foundation in their lives. 

It's so easy to get caught up in the struggles of trusting God with the urgent matters in our lives that need answers and forget to entrust the entirety of our lives to him. This week, I was praying for my son as he repeatedly threw up while battling a 24-hour flu bug. But do I pray daily for him to see the light of Christ? Do I pray for him to have a soft heart toward discipline and authority and have a teachable spirit? At lunch, we prayed that God would keep Daddy safe and protect him from the cold. But do I regularly pray that God would grow my husband as a father and lead our family through him?

Maybe part of growing up is learning that life is full of moments of surrender to God. It's not just a one-time decision of dedication. It's not just asking Him to handle the big events in our lives. 

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Like the name of this blog, it is the little things in life--the common, everyday, I'm-struggling-just-to-brush-my-teeth-before-I-fall-into-bed moments--that make up a life. And so, I think that this year, it's time to dig a little deeper and trust God more in the everyday.