Life As We Now Know It--Part One

I once heard someone say, "With babies, the days go by slowly, but the weeks fly by." How true this is. My baby is 15 weeks old today. What is this life that I am living? How different it is than it was one year ago.

I have been back to work for five weeks now.

The. Hardest. Thing. I. Have. Ever. Done.

Going through labor and recovering from surgery were not this hard. Learning to nurse a newborn and teaching him to eat well were not this hard. Running on little to no sleep--not this hard.

When I was 18, I remember thinking how great it would be, five years in the future, when I had everything figured out and my life was on the right track. Now, here I am, 10 years later, and I am still wondering. Oh, I know now more than ever that God has a plan and a purpose for me. The decisions just become more complicated as you weave more people into your life. First, I had my one-and-only to consider. Now, I have  this little gift that relies on me for so much.

Let's just be honest. I do not want to be in the workplace. I want to spend everyday with this little man who changes everyday. But I recognize that this is not what God wants for me--not just yet. Yes, He says that He will grant us the desires of our hearts. But not in our timing. This is not one of those desires that I believe He will change, making my heart desire what His heart does. I believe His heart does want me to at least be at home more than I am right now. But it is one that I believe He is telling me to wait on Him for.

What do I do while I'm waiting? I beg God, I plead with Him, to help me to desire Him more. I examine my love for my newly-changed family, and I ask Him to show me how I can love Him so deeply, so intensely, that my love for them looks like hatred in comparison. I give thanks, each and every day...continually. I recognize that He has given me more than I could ever deserve in His own perfect way. I trust that He is a Father who gives good gifts and does not withhold good from me. I remember that He "causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them. For God knew His people in advance, and He chose them to become like his Son..." (Romans 8:28-29).

I look at this face, and I remember that the God who chose this perfectly imperfect little boy for us knew exactly what we would need to take care of him.

And He will provide.

Just look at this face!