Thoughts

I am discouraged that:

• Contrary to what I thought before, my body is still going through some things that keep reminding me of what has happened.
• People keep telling me that it was "a fluke", that my body was getting rid of something that was "not right", or that at least I know I can get pregnant and "next time it will happen." (I know people are trying to be comforting. I am not angered by this...just discouraged by these statements.)
• (I am so excited for my friends who are growing healthy babies inside of them--I cannot wait to meet them!) It just saddens me that they get to hit all those milestones--12 weeks, 16 weeks, 20 weeks, and so on--while I am left behind at eight.
• I feel like crying less each day. That's good, right? ...Except that I feel guilty that I can move on and start returning to normal.
• There is no physical closure. No casket. No funeral. Just my memories....

I am encouraged by:

• Grace...grace...God's grace..................................................
• Knowing that SO many people are praying for us--I experience the result of them everyday.
• Notes, messages, calls, and texts. I feel overwhelmed by compassion and mercy.
• Acknowledgment. You do not know how much it means to be validated. To have our pain recognized as real, not brushed aside as a clinical response to a physical malady.
• John 11, especially verse 4:   "This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it."
• So many other songs, verses, and words of encouragement I have received.
• Knowing many strong women and families have gone before me and experienced what I am experiencing now.
• A heart that is buoyed  by love--the wide, long, high, and deep love of Jesus...experiencing "the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully" (Ephesians 3). The faithful love of my best earthly friend who holds me, cries with me, listens to me, prays with and for me, and feeds me Chinese food. The love of our parents, brothers, sisters, and friends. Thank you.
• Joy and hope for the future.