Celebrations

Wow. I have been wanting to write this post for a long time now, but between computer issues and kids who get jealous when I use the computer (it's a real problem), it just hasn't happened. So, let's see if I can squeeze two months into one little – or not so little – blog post.

October was full of fall celebrations with a trip to an apple orchard and pumpkin patch, a hayride at Grandpa and Grandma's farm, and trick-or-treating with our very own fire chief and police chief (not pictured).

November started off grandly with a good view of this little face at his or her 23-week ultrasound.

The same week, we also celebrated the littlest one in the household turning two!

He thoroughly enjoyed his barn cake with farm animal cupcakes. And, while they were fairly time consuming to decorate, his mama certainly enjoyed making them! This little man is my sweet and sassy one! He can be cuddly and full of kisses one minute, then taking a stand and refusing to back down the next. Elias is the one I worry about when I think about this baby coming because he is most certainly a mama's boy, but we are working on that, too.

The first week of November also included Kieran's debut as a ring bearer at the wedding of a long-time friend, Lindsay.

November also brought about the 70th anniversary of Jordan's grandparents.

It was so wonderful to be a part of the celebrations and to hear the testament of the faith, love, and loyalty of these two lovely people that we so admire. It is almost impossible for me to wrap my head around the fact that we have only been married for about 12% of that time! I hope and pray that we can be even half of the example to our own children and grandchildren that they have been to us.

Since then, we have also had plenty of time with family – including a trip to Illinois to visit my brother and his family during the one snowstorm we've had this winter – a fun date night with our small group, and Christmas celebrations. We even got to celebrate with some neighborhood friends tonight as we adapted what has become our annual Elf party. :) … And while it looks like we won't have a white Christmas this year, we definitely have much to celebrate.

Source

When Waiting is Hard

Maybe you're waiting to hear on a job you were hoping to land. Or a call from that realtor about the house that seems like it's just the right fit.

Or a diagnosis.

Perhaps you are waiting for life in general to get better … or just hoping it won't get worse.

As for me, I found myself waiting for another child. Different desires would overtake me at different times. One moment, I would be sitting on the floor completely content to be reading a book to my two lovely boys; later, I would be vacuuming and realize I just spent the last 20 minutes thinking, "If we were to get pregnant this month, this is when our baby would be born," and daydreaming about what it would be like.

Logically, I knew that it didn't matter when or even if we had another child. Not only could I be content with what I had been given, I could learn to be content with His timing, too. But in my heart, I had ideas and plans – I had my own timing. And it seemed like no one really cared about any of it. It is a difficult thing when husband and wife are not on the same page. … And not because of arguing or strife, but simply because one can feel passionately about something while the other does not share the same conviction.

Finally, while going through a study on James, I realized that this had become an idol in my life. The problem wasn't really that I wanted to have a baby (sooner rather than later). The problem was that I wanted life to go my way. That I wasn't satisfied in waiting on God. When the realization poured over me that this was something I thought about every single day, I knew it was time to do more than just lightly bring up the topic with my husband. So I wrote to him – like I always do when something really heavy is weighing me down.

I have started praying that God would show me why I can't stop thinking about someone who, in all reality, may not ever exist. I love you so much, and Kieran and Elias, too. And I feel pretty strongly that if God were to never give us another child, I could be okay with that. But I never do well with the in-betweens. After we miscarried Asher and before I discovered that we were pregnant with Kieran, I struggled with all the "what ifs" and the "whens." I guess, in some things, I like to have a general idea of what's going to happen.

I was so nervous to approach Jordan with this. I mean, I would never want to be that wife who pressures her husband into a decision that he still needs time to make. But I also would hate for something like this to build up into hurt and discord in our marriage.

… If this makes you feel bad, I'm sorry. But maybe you can understand that as intense as that feeling can sometimes be, I obviously don't feel like that all day, everyday. I am so thankful for you and our boys and the station in life I have so graciously been given. So please have patience with me, try to understand my heart, and ask God to help us stay unified ….

It can be difficult to walk around with a heart that is filled with the chaos of being divided. Once I had shared my heart with my husband and laid it all out before the Lord, I was able to find rest. I was able to understand that, while my husband was okay with "now," he wasn't in a hurry, either. My desires didn't change, but my perspective did. And the best part of all this was that as I was giving my idol over to Him, He was the only one who knew that I was already carrying the newest member of our family. He simply loves me that much that He wanted to draw me closer to Him first.

This verse is actually about Abraham, but I love that I can also take hold of God's promises. :)
Source

Lovely Things

It's been awhile.

But, then again, that's pretty normal for me in this situation isn't it? I can't think of anything to write that's as important as the news I want to share.

Baby number four – and hopefully our third to hold in our arms – is due around March 10th of next year! I am finally past the morning sickness (although brushing my teeth and changing diapers is always a potential trigger), and Kieran is getting pretty excited. Most of the time he says we are going to have a baby Elias (as in, a smaller version of Elias), but he has also said we are going to have a baby Eunice (our friends' baby daughter), a baby horse, a baby cow, and a baby octopus, of all things.

Goob #1

Goob #2

I love these boys so much, and as much as I have thought to myself every day for the last month or so, "What are we getting ourselves into?!" I am so excited to add another sibling to the mix – brother or sister, we don't care! That being said, after pulling out twin boys from the baby gender predictor at MOPS yesterday (suckers out of a bag), I am relieved to say that there is only one baby in there. :)

Look at that sweet little thing! We are right on track at 14 weeks and happy to say that there is no placenta previa this time around. This was the longest I have ever had to wait to hear my baby's heartbeat, and I cried tears of sweet relief at the sound. What a perfect reason to smile and be overflowing with joy on this day of remembrance … which also happens to be 11 years to the day since the hubs and I started dating. So many reasons to praise God today!

Gravity

It can be so hard to be the one who consistently strives to help your children be aware of their sin and to help them understand the root of why we grieve over it and its effects – especially when we know we still have so much we ourselves need to bring before God. 

"Let there be tears for what you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor" (James 4:9-10, NLT).

How do we help our children go through a process we ourselves daily fail at? God wants me to see the gravity of my own sin and to be humbled by the grace I need for the responsibility I have to help my children realize their sin and sorrow appropriately. I myself often sit on the fence and flirt with the world while I say I belong to God. 

But then I read this:

Do you think the Scriptures have no meaning? They say that God is passionate that the Spirit he has placed within us should be faithful to him. And he gives grace generously. As the Scriptures say, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

I am not in this alone. I have the Spirit inside me who desires to passionately battle with me as I face each and every trial and temptation – big or small. And I have grace. Generous grace. Every time I acknowledge my own sin and weaknesses, I have clear access to a wellspring of grace that pools into the dark and empty places within me. I have eyes that can better see God's wisdom as I seek to lead precious souls to see the importance of this daily process we go through as we fight the good fight within our home. And I have peace that while I may only see the difficulty of the here and now, God sees the glorious result of small moments of faithfulness building upon each other until we reach eternity. 

Hallelujah. He giveth more grace.

Source

Summer Treats

About two months ago, my dumpster-diving KitchenAid (don't worry, we bought our own accessories) gave up on me after a particularly large batch of cookies. And while a baking sabbatical is good for one's waistline, too long of a sabbatical can wither the soul. I'm hoping to save up for the kind of mixer that should last me until Kieran goes off to college; in the meantime, I have been scouring through my recipes and pins for desserts that can be made with a food processor or a good ol' wooden spoon.

First off, I made this berry pie a couple of different times. I just love all the colorful goodness in this one.

Then, I made Chef in Training's Banana Bars with Brown Butter Frosting a couple of times. The frosting? To. Die. For.

One of my favorites since college are these carmelitas. I like to make them with Mexican food – they sound like something you'd find on a menu at a Mexican restaurant, right? I also made this homemade caramel for the recipe, too!

Finally, I was really wanting a doughnut the other day, but, as a rule, I try to never buy them unless it's for church. And I abhor deep frying. All that mess and wasted oil … ugh. But I searched on Pinterest and found these Dirt Bombs (great title, right?), which are, essentially, doughnut muffins.

As I was mixing them together (in my food processor, of course) I had this feeling of déjà vu, and I realized that I had made almost this exact recipe before, when I made The Pioneer Woman's French Breakfast Puffs. Either way, they are yummy with your morning coffee! …Oh, and speaking of PW's recipes, I have had her lemon bars on the brain for quite awhile now. I just need for this heat wave to break so I can get to baking again!

Even if you don't have all the tools you would like, I hope you can get your bake on this summer, too. What are some of your recent favorite dessert finds?

P.S. I simply cannot forget to mention this homemade hot fudge! It's great to have on hand to bring to a get-together. Just grab a carton of vanilla ice cream (or make your own), and you're ready to go!