Everyday, I am sowing something, regardless of whether or not I am aware of it. By His grace, I want to start each day with Him, seek His wisdom and leading – wisdom that is "pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere" – so I can make the choices that lead to a "harvest of righteousness" which is "sown in peace by those who make peace."
Lord, I need so much help with this. Everyday, I choose to worship at the altar of self, often becoming frustrated when things don't go my way or they are harder than I'd hoped they would be. In my own strength, I can't find wisdom or peace, nor can I bear the kind of fruits that actually last. Pour out your mercy on me: a woman, wondering how to do this thing called life as a daughter, sister, wife, mother, and friend. But most of all, as a sinner … saved by grace, without a doubt, but so easily enticed to choose the easier roads, not pushing to do the hard things that can lead to long-lasting rewards.
I am so weak and weary. Help me to seek and rely on Your strength and love and see my life transformed. Though I can sometimes be like Martha, "anxious and troubled about many things," help me to focus on the "one thing" that is necessary. Help me to choose "the good portion."
Have you ever faced a mountain so big that you cannot see over or around it? Has it seemed so permanent that you start to believe it will always, always be there and, rather than continually bringing it before God, you start to believe (though you may never say it aloud) that He doesn't care about that particular mountain?
Sometimes the world steals our hope and pride or fear steal our ability to be broken before God, and we simply give up. We find it easier to stop thinking about the insurmountable and focus on what we can do and what we can change. We pour our hearts into another project, another soul, all the while knowing that God is waiting, waiting for us to resume the trek He has set before us. "Let me climb that hill!" we cry out desperately. "These people need my attention!" we mutter in self-justification. We can't understand why God would have us take up the climb one more time, when we have no surety that we will ever reach the top.
This weekend, I had the opportunity to visit my grandma's church, down south.
The pastor talked about John 13, when Jesus washes the feet of His disciples – nothing I hadn't heard before. But as my heart was being crushed by this mountain, I was so ready for His Word to speak life to me. Jesus was doing something that confounded everyone. He took on the mantle of a servant and willingly did one of the dirtiest and lowliest jobs: washing the dirt and grime of traveling on dusty roads and through animal droppings off of the crusty feet of these working-class men (no male pedicures, here). And Peter – our beloved Peter with whom we can all identify – just could not comprehend why Jesus would do this, nor how he could allow his revered teacher to see and touch and smell the filth collected on his feet. And when Jesus explained that if he didn't allow Him to wash his feet, then he could have no part in Him, Peter cried, "Lord, not my feet only but also my hands and my head!"
As we sat in a chilly, air-conditioned room on a hot and muggy Sunday morning, we were reminded that Jesus was able to see past the sin of those closest to them to serve them physically and minister to their souls. That morning, what Jesus said to Peter struck me in a way it never had before:
"What I am doing you do not understand now, but afterward you will understand."
Sometimes, we just cannot understand why God seems to be so slow to answer. So we stop asking. We cannot understand how things will ever improve when they just seem to be getting worse. So we stop hoping. We begin to forget that, in all things, God is for us. So we stop running to God, asking Him to break our hearts once more.
For me, this mountain is the family I grew up in. And while I would never share all the details, it is enough to know that there are many broken and strained relationships and many, many hurts that happened even before I was born that are still bearing fruit today. While we spent several days away from home and with different family members, I came face-to-face with some of those and felt the weight of a broken, mostly unbelieving family press down on me again.
But one glorious event shone through, like suddenly stumbling upon a mountain pass.
I got to meet my little brother.
A brother I hadn't seen since he was six months old and I was five.
And I never, ever thought this would happen. At some point, it just seemed like too much time had passed for reconciliation to occur. And while everything was not perfect or golden, nor would I expect it to be, I saw God answering my prayers and the petitions of others. He gave me an overwhelming sense of peace and a deep-seated knowledge that He is still there, working in the midst of what so often seems like an impossible situation. And though I may not understand now, someday I will stand with Him on the brink of eternity, He will show me what He was doing, and I will understand.
This kid is potty trained! :) I put all these shenanigans off time and time again until, finally, we just picked a weekend on the calendar and decided that unless an emergency came up it was time.
I had read the 3 Day Potty Training e-book awhile ago, so I went back and reviewed it. While the whole idea of getting it over and done with seemed very appealing, I was also super intimidated by how intense it sounded. You become your child's shadow and are responsible for running them to the bathroom anytime they are about to have an accident. You remind them a million times to, "Tell Mommy or Daddy if you feel like you have to go potty." But do you know what? It was great!
The first day is just weird for a potty-training novice. Neither you or your child know what is going on. We started out the morning last Saturday in his very last diaper from the evening before and waited until after breakfast to change him. First, we made a very big deal about Kieran giving all of his diapers to his little brother (who goes up a size in diapers at bedtime). We had him throw away the one he was wearing, and put on his own underwear. … He was pretty hesitant at first, "No! I don't want underwear!" Even though he was excited about it the night before, there was still some uncertainty.
And then, we waited.
And waited.
And waited.
Since he had already gone in his morning diaper, he didn't have to go to the bathroom again for another two or three hours – even with all of the fluids we were pumping into him. When he did finally have to go, we kind of failed at the whole point of the three-day method and didn't get him to the bathroom in time to finish over the toilet. In fact, the first two or three times we didn't get him there fast enough because he would make a little whimpering noise, and by the time we got there, he was done. We just told him it was "yucky" and reminded him to tell us as soon as he felt like he had to go potty because we wanted to keep our underwear, "dry!"
The first day felt pretty unproductive, but we were so proud of him when he woke up with dry underwear! By the end of the first day and into the second day, he was able to get to the potty and finish in it but not keep his underwear dry. And by sometime the third day, he was able tell us he needed to go and keep his underwear dry!! I'll tell ya, folks, it feels good to cross this bridge and say, "Goodbye," to four diapers a day.
Now, of course, there are still some things we need to work on. In the week that has passed since we started potty training, he has only ever gone in our bathroom. The one time he needed to go when we were out of the house, he had an accident because he was scared to use their bathroom. He has also never gone for anyone but Mom or Dad, so it may be interesting the first time he has to go at church or if someone else is watching him. Then, of course, there is the dreaded "number two." The first time was an emotional disaster that didn't get anywhere close to the bathroom, while the second time was extremely successful – in the potty from start to finish. And McDonald's ice cream cones for everyone! But one success does not guarantee the next.
Needless to say, I am pretty proud of my boy. It's scenes like this, though, that keep us humble.
Everyone in our house was getting excited for K's birthday. Even Elias was getting in on the game, and a week later, he's still singing, "Happy birthday to you." Kieran did NOT like his three-year appointment … until the sucker came out! He weighed in at 29.6 pounds (28th percentile) and measured 25.25 inches (7th percentile). We stopped for chicken nuggets, and Kieran scored some free birthday cookies!
Elias enjoyed a little, too. :)
On his actual birthday, we met up with some friends at a park halfway between our towns. It was fun to spend the morning with friends and to try out a new place!
For dinner, Kieran requested hamburgers, so we had sliders and hot dogs and other grilling fare and, of course, cake!
I made an ice cream cake, and he loved it! It was super easy, too. I softened some chocolate ice cream and spread it into an 8x8 pan lined with plastic wrap, then let it set in the freezer. I made some hot fudge, let it cool some, then layered that on top of the ice cream. After layering some crushed Oreos on top of the fudge, I again let it set in the freezer. A layer of softened vanilla ice cream and another stint in the freezer, and it was ready to be inverted onto a cutting board. I "frosted" it with Cool Whip and topped it with green sprinkles, more crushed Oreos, and a little John Deere tractor.
We had some family over to celebrate, and we all enjoyed watching Kieran open his presents. Little did we know that we all got him something vehicle-related.
In some things, little boys are easy to please. :)
A couple days later, this boy was over-the-moon excited just to be able to sit on the mowers at Lowe's.
I already posted something mushy about my little man turning three, so I'll spare you that. But we sure do love this boy to pieces!
It's been a crazy couple of weeks! I finished up my 10-week program at Farrell's on the 21st, and Jordan and I took an overnight getaway to Minneapolis on the 27th and 28th.
Although I was hoping to push a little bit harder, I have to say that I was pleased with my results when I tested out on the last day of the program. I lost 8.5 pounds according to their scale – 10 pounds according to my own – and a total of 4% body fat. In addition, I lost two inches off of my waist and a total of 10.25 inches combined off of my chest, waist, hips, arms, and thighs. But what really impressed me was my strength gain! My push-ups increased from 19 (toes) and 17 (knees) to 30 (toes) and 33 (knees) in one minute. My sit-ups increased from a measly 8 in one minute to 26. I also gained two inches on my sit-and-reach and shaved 2:19 off of my mile.
All of this hard work really put me in the mood to celebrate! I was so excited that I was able to keep our anniversary destination a secret from Jordan. A few months ago, I found a Groupon for a hotel in downtown Minneapolis. I thought Jordan would like the fact that the building used to be a really grand old bank (a farmer's and mechanic's savings bank, to be exact). The hotel's restaurant is laid out in the original lobby, and you can still see where the bank tellers would be and such. They also keep their wine in the bank's vault, in case you're into that sort of thing. ;)
Before heading downtown, we stopped at the Mall of America and did a little shopping – mostly just enjoying the fact that it was just the two of us. I had asked a friend that lives in the Cities for a couple of recommendations for good places to eat, so I was really excited to try one of them out; however, the hotel had a surcharge of $13.95 per day for basic internet access, so I couldn't access my messages to see what they were. I was pretty frustrated, but we took it in stride and headed out to take in the sites and see if anything struck our fancy. After walking around for awhile, we backtracked to a Brazilian steakhouse, Fogo de Chao.
While we were waiting for a table, we asked to see a menu, but we were so confused because we couldn't find prices anywhere! When we were seated, we were directed to the salad bar … silly us, it wasn't until after we went through that we thought to speak up and ask how the pricing worked. Let's just say that had we known, we wouldn't have stayed.
Still, the food was delicious, and it was an experience, as well. The salad bar was very good and a little more exotic than you might usually find. When at your table, you are served rolls and family style side dishes that are constantly being replenished. But the best part is the meat. Waiters are always walking by with some sort of meat that has been rotisseried: fillet mignon, top sirloin, garlic beef, chicken and sausage, parmesan-encrusted pork loin, lamb chops, leg of lamb, shrimp … I'm sure I'm forgetting something! It's definitely a time to throw caution to the wind and overeat. Speaking of which, we were given a complimentary dessert for our anniversary, but there was no way we could eat another bite. We chose the turtle cheesecake and ended up eating it later that evening in our hotel room with these gigantic coffee stirrers that just happened to double as chopsticks.
We had a wonderful time, and I am convinced that it was time well spent. We really needed to remember what it was like to just be a couple!
We returned to a sad, sick little two-year-old but were very thankful for a grandma who took good care of him. Needless to say, by that evening, he was back to his energetic, ornery little self. :) Tonight, I cried a little after I put him to bed on his last night of being two. Last night I asked him how old he was going to be on his birthday, and Kieran said, "Three! I'm gonna be smart, Mom."
I'm a wife to a wonderful husband and mom to three lovely children who, in turn, thrill me every day and remind me of myself more than I'd like to admit. I love coffee and Jesus – definitely not in that order – and expressing what the Lord has laid on my heart. I have fun in the kitchen and my DIY dreams often extend beyond the reality of my life, but I am slowly learning to enjoy the little things in life and make those moments for my family, as well.
Handsome. Hardworking. Hilarious. How's that for alliteration?
The Preschooler, Kieran James
This five-year-old boy keeps us on our toes with his everyday adventures and shenanigans. He is constantly challenging us with all he is learning, and we love him to pieces!
The Toddler, Elias Finn
This sweet, three-year-old boy in turns makes us laugh and sometimes pull our hair out with his passionate spirit, but we wouldn't change a thing about him!
The Little Sister, Adeline Hope
Who would have thought that we'd end up with a sweet baby girl! We are all so in love and can't hardly remember what life was like without her.
