We're Both Mothers

It's been exactly one month since I blogged. I get stuck sometimes when I have a post in my head but my 

mind is just all over the place and I can't get any cohesive thoughts down. Yesterday, I stumbled across this blogger's post, "A Letter from a Working Mother to a Stay-At-Home Mother, and vice versa," and it really resonated with what I have been thinking about.

I have been a "SAHM" for over six months. One of my friends told me that it took her about six months to adjust to having two kids; well, I think it has taken me seven months to adjust to having two kids and being home with them all of the time. At around two months, we started venturing out into the world on our own (sans hubby) and we fell into a rhythm around that time, too. But it is only recently that I was able to stop focusing on just taking care of everyone else and start taking care of me. I am slowly learning that I cannot be the mom that I need to be if I am not spiritually, mentally, and physically prepared to lead them and guide them as challenges arise.

[Stay-At-Home-Mom], I know that you are misunderstood by so many who do not appreciate the difficulties of caring for small children on your own, all day, and refer to you as joining the “latte set”. They imagine you spend your day sipping coffee while your children play quietly. I know you miss your financial independence. I know you feel amused and sometimes annoyed when others proclaim “TGIF!” because to you every day is the same – there is no Friday, no break from your job. I know that many people do not understand that you work – you simply work an unpaid job at home.

But before I became a stay-at-home mom, I had the experience of leaving my baby behind as I went to work at my full-time job. We were blessed to not have to put Kieran in day care, but for about a year and a half, we took turns watching him and shuttling him between family and friends.

[Working Mom], I know you weigh up every job to see if it will suit your family. I know you wake up an hour before everyone else does, just so you can get some exercise done or some quiet time. I know that you have attended meetings after being up all night with your toddler. I know that when you come home in the evening, your “second shift” begins. The nay-sayers don’t understand that you run a household AND hold a job. You come home, cook dinner, bathe your children and read them stories. You tuck them in and kiss them goodnight. You pay the bills, do the grocery shopping, the laundry, the dishes, just like every other mother does. 

These choices are rarely easy. I am so glad that I have lived at both ends of this spectrum because I respect both of these groups of women immensely. I used to be jealous of my SAHM friends, and now I sometimes find myself envious of my working mom friends. Yes, the grass is always greener on the other side, isn't it? Rather than focusing on the one "right way" moms should be raising children, we should be supporting each other and helping moms to make the decisions that are best for their families.

Before venturing into this unknown territory, I had no idea that being a stay-at-home parent oftentimes means being a single parent. I make so many moment-by-moment decisions concerning the discipline, safety, and education of my children without my husband. And even though I know we are a team, it can sometimes feel more like a battle where I am catching all the heavy fire. ...Yet, I also get the most hugs, the most kisses, and the most grins and belly laughs. I often hear the first new word, see the first new skill, and see the expressions of joy at trying something for the first time.

Being a stay-at-home mom isn't always easy.

SAHM, I don’t know how you do it. I admire your infinite patience, your ability to face each day cheerfully and bring joy into your children’s lives even when they wear you down. I admire your dedication to being a constant presence in your children’s lives even if it isn’t always easy. I admire the way you work without expecting any reward – no promotions, no fame, no salary. I know you want your children to feel important and loved, and SAHM, you do this the best. 

Being a working mom isn't always easy.

[Working Mom], I know that sometimes you feel guilty about not being there all the time. But WM, I know this. You are setting a wonderful example to your children. You are showing them that a woman can have a career, contribute in some way outside the home, and still be a loving mother. You are showing your daughters that they can do anything they want to do in life. You are displaying strength, endurance, dedication, tenacity, and you do it with so much joy and love.

But we're both mothers.

Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.

Not Quite Picture Perfect

Sometimes all you want is for a day to go how you had planned it. This picture is from Easter, when we were trying to get one good family photo. As you can see, Kieran is always so hyped up after church.

We actually had a really good Easter. Mother's Day, however, did not go how I had planned. Saturday, I started letting Elias cry it out at nap times and when he wakes in the middle of the night (he had a really bad cold for awhile, so he had gotten used to being held or rocked to sleep). So, I've been a little tired and stressed. Sunday morning found me getting myself and two kids ready for church after we had all "slept in" because we were out late the night before and, you know, the whole crying-it-out thing--all this by myself because Jordan was sick. At family dinner, I dropped Kieran's whole plate of food onto the carpet and he decided that he wasn't hungry and wouldn't eat lunch.

Let's just say that the day went downhill from there.

Now, I'm not saying that the entire day was a bust because there were definitely some good moments. But it just wasn't the day I was hoping for. ...And what I am realizing is that picture perfect days are few and far between. 

And I need to let go of them.

Life never goes as planned, and that's the beauty of it, I think--to relax and let go and be in the moment instead of planning the moment. To accept that husbands will get sick, messes will be made, children will cry, and patience will be tested. But to know that, at the end of the day, when the beds in your home are full of the people you hold most dear, your heart will be overflowing with love for them and with gratitude for the grace and mercy God gives for each new day. So, you will pick up the toys and books and pray for your children. You will scrub the pots and pans and pray for your husband. You will remember that God has made you for this mess and for them and for all of these moments. 

Because that's what they are:  moments. In the blink of an eye, we will be planning graduations and weddings and the baby showers of our grandchildren. And so we should soak in every minute.

There will be moments of pure sweetness.

And there will be moments of not-so-sweetness.

There will be moments of silliness...

Kieran wearing a Bumbo on his head

...and moments of undeniable cuteness.

Eventually, we were able to get a decent photo of our family. It wasn't perfect. There weren't four smiling faces looking into the camera. No one is going to ask to put our family picture into their magazine. But it is our family. And we are living those days out moment by moment, learning to love and to make the most of the not-so-picture-perfect life we have.

Happy Half-Birthday

My sweet baby, Elias, celebrated six months of life on Sunday.

There is just so much life glowing in those big blue eyes of his, and his personality explodes every week.

He has a contagious belly laugh (that I am sure all chubby babies do), which makes him fun to tickle and entertain.

And while he is definitely not immune to cranky moments, he has an undeniable sweetness to him. I dare you not to melt when he stares you down with those baby blues.

This big boy is just starting out with solid foods. And this mama forgot how confusing those first couple of feedings can be and wonders if an avocado facial might be good for her skin, too. ;)

While I am learning so much from parenting a toddler and have dozens of half-composed posts in my head relating to such experiences, I try to take my cues from this tiny person and enjoy the new experiences of each day. He reminds me to not get frustrated with the lessons yet to be learned and the habits yet to be broken and the chaos yet to be tamed but to enjoy foreheads pressed to cheeks, slobbery kisses, grins that only mommies can bring out, and love that grows each day.

Looking back, moving forward

Six months old:  Kieran on the left, Elias on the right

A Tale of Two Kingdoms

I feel as though I have been going through a bit of a rough patch lately, and I have really been learning a lot about myself . A few weeks ago, this little cutie started teething and rolling over, so we have been relearning naps without being swaddled and chewing on everything in sight!

I have to admit that my patience has been tried. I don't really mind tending a fussy baby--it makes getting things done difficult, but it's not like he's fussy all the time. But when the little one gets more attention than usual, then the big one starts getting whiny and acting out for attention (again, not all the time...I don't want to paint that picture). And, so, I've learned something about myself.

My allowance for whining is really low.

I could write a whole blog post on that, but I'll  move on. I consider myself to be a pretty laid-back person and one who is not easily angered. But after one long weekend of always having one grumpy kiddo on my hands, I found that each day I was more quick to snap. 

For our Bible study, we are going through a series on marriage, and the speaker was talking about our desires. He said that conflicts arise because of the desires that battle within our hearts; we get angry because others get in the way of our desires. It is rare that someone is brought to the point of righteous anger because they are offended that another person has sinned against God. Usually, I am "offended" that someone else thwarted my plan to get this done, or to keep this clean, or to drink my coffee...or to sleep.

We are torn between desires for God's kingdom and our own kingdom.

The easiest thing I could do as a new-to-the-scene stay-at-home mom is to set up my own little kingdom in my household. This is how I do it. This is how I want you to act. This is how I expect the day to go. Instead, I have the humbling responsibility of being an ambassador to my children. "So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us. We speak for Christ when we plead, 'Come back to God!'" My job--weather at home or out in the world--is to represent Christ to those around me. The difference is that when I am at home, these little people that I spend so much of my time with will have their view of God largely shaped by me. 

I don't want these precious souls to think of their Heavenly Father as harsh or unforgiving. I don't want them to feel like He is unconcerned with the details of their lives or that they are unimportant to Him. I want them to see His love shine through me. I want His grace to flow through me. When I discipline them, I want there to be that pleading entreaty of, "Come back to God!", humbly and gently leading them back to the right path. 

So much of disciplining my child's heart leads to disciplining mine.

What a journey I have embarked on. I feel like a foal walking on spindly, wobbly legs. There will be stumbles and falls to be sure, and I envision rough terrain before me. But I am so thankful that I have a Guidebook and the ultimate Father to direct me and give me the strength to do hard things.

A Two Year Old

A two-year-old is so many things.
A tiny discoverer of butterfly wings.
A hugger of teddies, a sweet sleepy head.
And someone to dream for in bright years ahead.
A special new person who right from the start,
has a place in the family and a course in your heart.
And just when you think you've learned all the things
that your dear son is, and the joy that he brings,
a hug or a grin comes with such a sweet surprise
that love finds you smiling with tears in your eyes.

What a big day we've had! We started out the day driving to a special hair salon for kiddos, where Kieran got his second real haircut (I try to stay on top of trimming it up, but it was time to get it cleaned up).

After that, we walked over to Scratch Cupcakery, where the adults enjoyed cupcakes, and Kieran enjoyed a cake pop--perfect for little hands.

Next, we headed over to the mall and enjoyed the indoor playground, since it was such a blustery day.

This evening, it was party time!

We enjoyed Kieran's favorite meal of homemade spaghetti and meatballs and, of course, more cake.

And there were presents!

This boy is a tractor fanatic!

We love this boy so much and had a wonderful day celebrating with him. As I said on a facebook post the other day, he is big at heart, and we love him to pieces. He is quick to share kisses and hugs and all kinds of love. His vocabulary is explosive, his affection for anything with wheels and an engine has remained strong, and sometimes he has so much energy that he is literally bouncing off the walls. We look forward to seeing him grow in stature, and we pray that he will one day grow in knowledge and in love of his Heavenly Father.

Kieran as a newborn, at his first birthday party, and today, at his second birthday party