We're Both Mothers

It's been exactly one month since I blogged. I get stuck sometimes when I have a post in my head but my 

mind is just all over the place and I can't get any cohesive thoughts down. Yesterday, I stumbled across this blogger's post, "A Letter from a Working Mother to a Stay-At-Home Mother, and vice versa," and it really resonated with what I have been thinking about.

I have been a "SAHM" for over six months. One of my friends told me that it took her about six months to adjust to having two kids; well, I think it has taken me seven months to adjust to having two kids and being home with them all of the time. At around two months, we started venturing out into the world on our own (sans hubby) and we fell into a rhythm around that time, too. But it is only recently that I was able to stop focusing on just taking care of everyone else and start taking care of me. I am slowly learning that I cannot be the mom that I need to be if I am not spiritually, mentally, and physically prepared to lead them and guide them as challenges arise.

[Stay-At-Home-Mom], I know that you are misunderstood by so many who do not appreciate the difficulties of caring for small children on your own, all day, and refer to you as joining the “latte set”. They imagine you spend your day sipping coffee while your children play quietly. I know you miss your financial independence. I know you feel amused and sometimes annoyed when others proclaim “TGIF!” because to you every day is the same – there is no Friday, no break from your job. I know that many people do not understand that you work – you simply work an unpaid job at home.

But before I became a stay-at-home mom, I had the experience of leaving my baby behind as I went to work at my full-time job. We were blessed to not have to put Kieran in day care, but for about a year and a half, we took turns watching him and shuttling him between family and friends.

[Working Mom], I know you weigh up every job to see if it will suit your family. I know you wake up an hour before everyone else does, just so you can get some exercise done or some quiet time. I know that you have attended meetings after being up all night with your toddler. I know that when you come home in the evening, your “second shift” begins. The nay-sayers don’t understand that you run a household AND hold a job. You come home, cook dinner, bathe your children and read them stories. You tuck them in and kiss them goodnight. You pay the bills, do the grocery shopping, the laundry, the dishes, just like every other mother does. 

These choices are rarely easy. I am so glad that I have lived at both ends of this spectrum because I respect both of these groups of women immensely. I used to be jealous of my SAHM friends, and now I sometimes find myself envious of my working mom friends. Yes, the grass is always greener on the other side, isn't it? Rather than focusing on the one "right way" moms should be raising children, we should be supporting each other and helping moms to make the decisions that are best for their families.

Before venturing into this unknown territory, I had no idea that being a stay-at-home parent oftentimes means being a single parent. I make so many moment-by-moment decisions concerning the discipline, safety, and education of my children without my husband. And even though I know we are a team, it can sometimes feel more like a battle where I am catching all the heavy fire. ...Yet, I also get the most hugs, the most kisses, and the most grins and belly laughs. I often hear the first new word, see the first new skill, and see the expressions of joy at trying something for the first time.

Being a stay-at-home mom isn't always easy.

SAHM, I don’t know how you do it. I admire your infinite patience, your ability to face each day cheerfully and bring joy into your children’s lives even when they wear you down. I admire your dedication to being a constant presence in your children’s lives even if it isn’t always easy. I admire the way you work without expecting any reward – no promotions, no fame, no salary. I know you want your children to feel important and loved, and SAHM, you do this the best. 

Being a working mom isn't always easy.

[Working Mom], I know that sometimes you feel guilty about not being there all the time. But WM, I know this. You are setting a wonderful example to your children. You are showing them that a woman can have a career, contribute in some way outside the home, and still be a loving mother. You are showing your daughters that they can do anything they want to do in life. You are displaying strength, endurance, dedication, tenacity, and you do it with so much joy and love.

But we're both mothers.

Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.