For The Good

Today, I had a conversation with a man who came into my workplace. I learned that his sister passed away recently in a kayaking accident. Her husband and adult son were with her and unable to save her. My heart hurts for these men in her life that wanted to protect her and care for her but could not; yet, it was so encouraging to hear him talk about her funeral. He said, "I looked up at the cross above her casket, and I knew that if Jesus could endure death on a cross for me--for all of us--then, what is this light and momentary suffering compared to what He suffered and the eternal joy she will have in heaven?"

Wow.

We were talking about how truly awesome it is to have a God that has experienced suffering and brokenheartedness (you will find this throughout the entire Old Testament book of Hosea). And how our sorrow--while we may have days or weeks that seem to overcome us--will never truly destroy us because we have a firm foundation and a hope (or confident expectation) of God's goodness.

While we were talking for a short time, something came to mind that I have been thinking about the last few days. It's something I said at the beginning of all of this:

I had told God that I would be content in whatever circumstances we were in, and He was helping me be true to that. I liked our life.

I think this is somewhat true. I was praying that God would help me to be content that we hadn't moved on to houses or having children like many of our friends had--and He was definitely answering my prayer. But I have come to realize that perhaps I was also content just to have a "peaceful" life. Not much in the way of change. "Lord, please don't bring any ripples into my life...well, maybe just enough to make life interesting, but nothing too serious." I was trusting in a false peace; I was trusting in my circumstances to give me peace.

Another of the names of God, Jehovah-Shalom, means "The Lord is Peace" or "The Lord our Peace". "Shalom is a derivative of shâlêm (which means 'be complete' or 'sound'). Shalom is translated as 'peace' or 'absence from strife.'" The only place this is found in the Bible is in Judges 6. The angel of the Lord appears to Gideon--the least of his father's house in the weakest clan in Manasseh--and tells him that he, a "mighty man of valor" will save Israel from its oppressors. In the midst of this message, Gideon asks some pretty telling questions:  "Please, sir, if the Lord is with us, why then has all this happened to us? And where are all his wonderful deeds that our fathers recounted to us...?" Why are bad things happening to your people? Why have you abandoned us? Why me? Why now?

The angel declares to Gideon,  "But I will be with you, and you shall strike the Midianites as one man." Gideon, who cannot seem to wrap his head around all of this, asks if the angel will show him a sign that this message is really from God. He presents an offering to the angel of the Lord, who touches the offering with his staff. The offering is consumed by fire, and the angel of the Lord disappears. This, Gideon believes.

Gideon cries out, "Alas, O Lord God! For now I have seen the angel of the Lord face to face." The very God of the universe replies to him,  "Peace be to you. Do not fear; you shall not die." Gideon was afraid that he, the least of men, would die for coming face to face with an angel of God. He encountered perfection and saw all of his imperfections. I wonder if he wasn't also afraid that God was asking too much of him. Or blinded by the enormity of his task. This mirrors Peter's reaction to Jesus in Matthew 14. Shortly before dawn, Jesus came to the disciples, walking on water while they and their ship were beaten by waves. 

But when the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, "It is a ghost!" and they cried out in fear. But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, "Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid." And Peter answered Him, "Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water." He said, "Come." So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, "Lord, save me." Jesus immediately reached out His hand and took hold of him, saying to him, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?"

Source

How often I long for still and calm waters when I have a Savior who can rebuke the wind and the waves! One who immediately reaches out His hand when I cry out to him as I feel the waters overtake me.

The song I inserted at the beginning of this post is one I have really been meditating on as of late. I could just give you a link to the lyrics, but they are so amazing, you are just going to have to forgive me for my obnoxiousness as I quote them here:

For The Good

When darkness is surrounding me

By Your Spirit Lord help me sing

That You are working all things out

Lord I really need to hear You speak

Remind me in the waiting

That You are working all things out

For the good of those

Who are called by You

For the good of those

Who are in love with You 

That's why we sing

Holy God of light

I lay down my life

Holy is the Lord

Even in the storm be glorified

We like to take the blessing from You

Shall we not take the trouble too

You are working all things out

We like to take prosperity

Shall we not take the suffering

You are working all things out

For the good of those

Who are called by You

For the good of those

Who are in love with You 

That's why we sing

Holy God of light

I lay down my life

Holy is the Lord

Even in the storm be glorified

Holy are You Lord

Even in the storm

Be glorified

The Nothing Box

One of our friends showed us this video last year, and we refer to it quite often in our house. If you want to understand why men (and women) think the way they do, you should probably watch this--don't worry, you won't have to take any notes. It's not that complicated. ;)

Dear Angel

Dear Angel, today would mark your twelfth week growing inside your mommy. This weekend, we would have told grandmas and grandpas, aunts and uncles about you—they would have been so excited to hear of your coming!

This weekend, we had pictures taken with Daddy’s family. I felt like someone was missing…and that someone was you. When you were still with me, I had this wonderful idea of how we would tell the family that you were coming. I wanted to make a sign for Daddy and I to hold that would say, “Love never fails…”, and on the other side, we would write “We’re expecting! 1.17.12”. We were so excited!

When I made our sign, I was so sad that I couldn’t write what I really wanted to write on it. That’s when I realized that what I wanted was to talk to you. I wanted to tell you how very, very much Daddy and I love you. I wanted to tell you about my dreams about kissing your little fingers and toes, counting them again and again in their perfection. I wanted to tell you how much I think about you—how I envy you sitting at the feet of Jesus.

Dear Angel, can I tell you how you’ve changed my life? You have taught me so much about love. You have helped me to see how wonderfully loving your Daddy is—he is going to be the best dad someday. I have learned how to be loved. In my pride, it’s so easy to say that I can do everything on my own. As so many of our friends have poured compassion into our lives, I have seen how a heart can be full of hurt and full of love at the same time.

You have led me into the depths of my Father’s unfailing love. Through your little life, He has shown me how He longs for me to seek after Him as a child—to reach out for Him when my vision is clouded by sin or grief. To be able to say, like Asaph in Psalm 73:

Yet I still belong to You; You hold my right hand. …Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire You more than anything on earth. My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; He is mine forever. ...But as for me, how good it is to be near God! I have made the Sovereign Lord my shelter, and I will tell everyone about the wonderful things You do.

You have opened my eyes to a greater awareness of the hurting of others. How often have I had my mind set only on myself and completely missed the sorrow of my neighbor? How often have I thought I wouldn’t have the right words to say because I’m too afraid of the awkwardness of their pain? You have given me the courage to reach out and be there for others like so many have been for me. And faith to recognize how God can work in their lives when I ask Him to.

Dear Angel, it has been almost a month since we lost you. We will never forget you! Your brothers and sisters will hear all about you. We will be better parents to them because of you. You have taught us to not take life for granted. And that time spent together is time well spent. You have brought so much joy into our lives by bringing us closer to each other and closer to the One you have always belonged to. Know that I long to see you, but I know that I will see you—and for you, it will seem like the blink of an eye.

Loving you always,

Mommy

Good to the Last Drop

“Still He seeks the fellowship of His people and sends them both sorrows and joys to detach their love from other things and attach it to Himself.” --J.I. Packer, author of Knowing God

"You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in Your bottle. You have recorded each one in Your book." --Psalm 56:8

"[Jehovah] is my Shepherd; I have all that I need. He lets me rest in green meadows; He leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength, He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to His name. Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for You are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. ...My cup overflows with blessings. Surely Your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life...."  --Excerpts from Psalm 23

I have been thinking a lot lately about the theology of suffering. (If you have already heard some of this from me, I'm sorry, but it has definitely been on my heart.) Over the last couple of years, I have had some friends that have dealt with some very, very difficult problems. As I saw them struggle through pain and grief, I looked at my life and wondered two things:

1. Am I worthy of suffering for Christ?
   
   Paul tells us that we "have been given not only the privilege of trusting in Christ but also the privilege of suffering for Him." Timothy tells us to "endure suffering along with [him], as a good soldier of Christ Jesus." And then Paul also says that "what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory [God] will reveal to us later." A lot of this is probably talking about standing up for your faith, not being afraid to tell others about what Christ has done for us and for them, and withstanding persecution. But I think it also means bearing any suffering that comes our way in the manner that Christ did.
2. If--and, more likely, when--suffering comes into my life, will I fail?
   Will I be the kind of person who completely falls apart? Will I retreat into myself or lash out at others? Will I grow numb and emotionless or become afraid of everything? Will I just survive? Or will I thrive?

There were a couple of articles that I read that really helped me with my fear of trials. One, entitled Seven Thoughts on Suffering, encourages readers "to develop a theology of suffering before the dark night comes. You do not wait until you are choking to learn the Heimlich and neither should you wait until you are in the throes of tragedy before learning the reason behind, and the response to, suffering." The other, John Piper's Don't Waste Your Cancer, encourages readers to see God's hand in everything. "It will not do to say that God only uses our cancer but does not design it. What God permits, he permits for a reason. And that reason is his design." David Powlison adds, "Recognizing his designing hand does not make you stoic or dishonest or artificially buoyant. Instead, the reality of God’s design elicits and channels your honest outcry to your one true Savior. God’s design invites honest speech, rather than silencing us into resignation."

Why am I telling you about all of this? Because before God brought us this trial--small though it may be in comparison to what I know many go through--He brought me these truths. So, when we realized that we would never get to hold our tiny, unknown-to-us child, God, as my Shepherd, gently led me back to the right paths--leading me, renewing me, and revealing His unfailing love to me.

That's why the name of God that we are going to look at today is Jehovah-Raah, The Lord My Shepherd.

Rô'eh from which Raah derived, means "shepherd" in Hebrew. A shepherd is one who feeds or leads his flock to pasture. ...An extend translation of this word, rea', is "friend" or "companion." This indicates the intimacy God desires between Himself and His people. When the two words are combined — Jehovah Raah — it can be translated as "The Lord my Friend."

When it comes to those bumps in the road, those dark valleys, or those times of undeniable, irrefutable pain, I want to be able to thrive. Maybe not in ways others can see, but I want to flourish in Christ. I want to be able to love others even when my own problems seem too big for me to handle. I want to be able to bring glory to God in all things, to know Him more, and become more like Him. These past weeks have been an amazing time of acknowledging the nearness of my God. Of seeing the desperate ache of my heart filled by a Heavenly Father who always satisfies. 

I have come to recognize the worth of suffering--temporarily and eternally. And, too, the value of people:

• I am cherished by my Shepherd. He collects my tears in a bottle...I know that He rejoices when I rejoice and sorrows when I sorrow.
• God has created a wonderful thing for us in the family of God. When we experience the love of our brothers and sisters in Christ, we experience the unity God meant for us, and He ministers to us through them.
• Our baby is supremely valuable to God. If I truly want to honor my Little One, then I would not waste a moment of what God might want to do through his or her short life. 

Christ is worth it all. Whatever we endure, whatever we overcome, if we let Him use it to help us know Him more, become more like Him, and help others to know Him, then everything was worthwhile. In a sense, I want to squeeze every last drop out of the difficulties of life. 

I want to blossom.

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To Know You is to Want to Know You More

Once again, I want to say how overwhelmed I am by all the love and encouragement we have received from so many. I am in the midst of one of those eye-opening times in my life as I learn how to love and be loved. How to rest in love and the truth of grace and mercy. Words that just flow around me like a waterfall that has no end. The sound of it quiets my heart and reminds me of the "bigness" of God. It reminds me that family is based less on a pedigree and more on hearts that pour into you.

One of my friends sent me a link to this dear woman's blog who suffered a loss much greater than ours three years ago. She is married to Todd Smith, one of the singers in the group, Selah, and spoke at the Women of Faith conference this year. If you have suffered or are suffering with loss or just want to be able to identify or empathize with those who are, I suggest that you soak in the life of this wonderful family. I just spent the last two hours reading about Audrey Caroline's little life, but here is the letter her mother, Angie, wrote to her after spending just two-and-a-half hours with her on this earth. And, because music has been with me always these days, here is another song that has been on my heart as of late.